Calmed down
Well, my hubby and I drove T back to school - a 3 1/2 hour drive the other day. This year he's living in an apartment (that is very nice) with two other people. It's not a short walk for him so he'll have to either ride his bike or, if he's lucky - he can get a ride with one of his room mates, depending on their schedules.
It was a nice a pleasant experience until we shopped. First stop - bed and dresser. He ended up getting what he wanted (a full sized bed) and a nice dresser. Then we go for the home supplies and hubby thought it would be nice if they had a TV. So $250 + flat screen later, we leave with the TV and a cart full of new pots and pans, plates, etc. *I know I didn't plan this very well - garage sales but - it is what it is.
Then the grocery shopping. That is a must because he has no money and he was going to be by himself for a 3 days. But did he need a case of beer? Yes - he asked my husband if it was okay - 30 cans worth. I was so upset but didn't explode then. How can my husband do that? He told me later (after I wailed on him on the way home) that he thought that since T was behaving better, and the cheap beer he bought probably had less alcohol content in it, that it was ok. I am still not happy about that. Here we go to a parent support group together, do parent drug education programs that addresses the addiction "thing" - that is a chronic condition etc., and talk about how not to enable and here we are......
Did he forget that T spent two days in jail for underage drinking a few weeks ago? I know that he's 21 now and his behavior has improved ten -fold but we don't know if he's an addict/alcoholic or not. I am assuming he is because of how he once was. He hasn't stopped drinking and I will imagine he still does pot but - does it matter? What kind of message is my husband giving? After we talked about it he said he doesn't know what he was thinking. I'm not sure if he means it or not - or if he's putting on an act to pacify me. Whatever. My husband is such a smart guy but sometimes.......AARRGGGHH!!!!
It was a nice a pleasant experience until we shopped. First stop - bed and dresser. He ended up getting what he wanted (a full sized bed) and a nice dresser. Then we go for the home supplies and hubby thought it would be nice if they had a TV. So $250 + flat screen later, we leave with the TV and a cart full of new pots and pans, plates, etc. *I know I didn't plan this very well - garage sales but - it is what it is.
Then the grocery shopping. That is a must because he has no money and he was going to be by himself for a 3 days. But did he need a case of beer? Yes - he asked my husband if it was okay - 30 cans worth. I was so upset but didn't explode then. How can my husband do that? He told me later (after I wailed on him on the way home) that he thought that since T was behaving better, and the cheap beer he bought probably had less alcohol content in it, that it was ok. I am still not happy about that. Here we go to a parent support group together, do parent drug education programs that addresses the addiction "thing" - that is a chronic condition etc., and talk about how not to enable and here we are......
Did he forget that T spent two days in jail for underage drinking a few weeks ago? I know that he's 21 now and his behavior has improved ten -fold but we don't know if he's an addict/alcoholic or not. I am assuming he is because of how he once was. He hasn't stopped drinking and I will imagine he still does pot but - does it matter? What kind of message is my husband giving? After we talked about it he said he doesn't know what he was thinking. I'm not sure if he means it or not - or if he's putting on an act to pacify me. Whatever. My husband is such a smart guy but sometimes.......AARRGGGHH!!!!
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I think the sharing of alcohol with a son is some sort of a male-bonding thing. My husband did the same thing on vacation last week. He picked up a bottle of rum so my daughter could have some rum and Coke. When Trevor asked if he could have some, too, he told him it was OK. Trevor proceeded to dump about 3 shots worth into the glass. This was on top of letting him have a glass of Bailey\'s Irish Cream earlier. When I told Trevor I didn\'t think it was a good idea, he said \"Dad told me I could\". Trevor is not only an addict, but he\'s under-age and is on probation.
I talked to my husband later and he agreed that it was a bad idea, but he always puts himself into the position of a 20 year old wanting to drink with the grown-ups and feels sorry for him. He\'s thinking that we should simply not have alcohol around for family gatherings, but that\'s hard to do when you\'re with other relatives. It\'s tough.
Funny - I told my husband that it must be a \"guy thing\" - not thinking through on the whole picture and just wanting things to be normal. My husband feels sorry for T, too. I always feel like Mama Bear (from the Berenstain Bears) - always trying to set Papa Bear and her cubs right!