Call If You Need Anything
I just read a post that mentioned that often-repeated phrase: 'Call if you need anything.' Maybe I'm just a little odd or too independent (very likely both), but I wince when I hear that phrase. It is well-meaning, but my immediate take on the phrase is "mechanical" or "token." Now, having said that, I hasten to add that the problem is not their desire to help, the problem lies within me and the filter with which that phrase passes through. I guess I'm learning first-hand about the truism "It's better to give than receive." Well, now I'm on the receiving end way too often for my liking, and I find it very difficult to ask friends and neighbors, and, yes, even family for help. Gee, I wish they would have said, 'I'll call you and see if you need anything,' but there again lies my problem and that filter thingie keeps getting in my way. Pride can be a terrific tool of defeat! 'Lord, you are teaching me, but I am a stubborn mule. How have you put up with me for so many years? Thanks, though, that your patience has no end; your love is all-encompassing; your care for me is always right on target; and your plans for me are greater than I could ever imagine.' So, when the mower won't start, the tree falls across the lane, or when I put the wrong gas in the mower and you can see the smoke from a mile away, I guess that would be the time to take those dear sweet friends up on their offer: 'Hello, this is TJ. I have a problem.' God bless those who have a spirit of helpfulness—and mean it!! For this widow appreciates their strength, their knowledge, their capability, and their time—all of which they are willing to pledge to a friend. I have to make a confession before ending my journal entry: I sure don't want to make calling for help habit-forming, and as a result have my friends dread to pick up the phone when they see my number on caller ID—'Oh, no, it's TJ again'!
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Add \"I\'m here for you\" If you ever need anything\" \"you ca depend on me\"...I know and maybe it\'s just us. We aren\'t used to asking or needing help and out pride gets in the way. Are we to expect these offers of help to magically appear when they are needed? I admit I am a self sufficient stubborn mule, determined to do it myself and recently hurt my back really bad, human with a humility intent but prideful purpose. It just isn\'t fair that we are left with the responsibilities that are so beyond our abilities. I don\'t know the answer but those who have offered help could call or stop by and really do us some good... We only call as a last resort...
I so hear what you are saying. I have had so many people say the same thing to me. I , also , am not a person that asks for help. I feel as though I am bothering someone. I too would rather that someone would call and check in and ask me if I need anything. Even then, though, I would hesitate. God has put me in some funny situations this summer with chores I was doing aroung the house. I just laugh at myself. I have reached out to a couple people for help, but know that I need to do things for myself. Also, many of my good friends and family keep a watch over me.
I\'ve had the same thing happen to me, I dread having to call anyone for anything and try to do as much as I can on my own. I have also traded (baking, taking someone shopping) or bartered for services and this makes me feel less of a \"burden\" and more like I am helping someone else.
I have had many people tell me that whatever I need they will be there. Most do mean it. I have trouble asking for help too. I am sure that it will come to me having to learn to swallow my pride on occasion as well. I wish I had had my husband teach me more while I had the opportunity. I am thankful that I do own an electric lawnmower or I am sure that the lawn would never again be mowed.
I so agree- the problem is, did they mean it, or was it just something to say ?
I guess I am a little cynical as I also had plenty of \'I\'m there for you\'s - and haven\'t seen them since but perhaps they too , are waiting for me to ask [There\'s that Pride again]
Is this what they mean by complicated grief? [joke]