Calendar
When oh when will I stop living by the calendar????? Today is Hunter's birthday - I should be happy, right? I should want to celebrate, right? Instead I just have tears flowing down my face because I remember his birth, I remember his mom,,,,I just remember.....every month seems like some date triggers the flood.....December 9th was Jennifer's memorial....another frickin' date on the calendar.....SIGH.....Thankful that Hunter is here, but my heart just hurts...where the hell is Jennifer?
Replies
Oh Vicki, I reemember the days when I lived by the calendar too. Even through the years, I did not really follow and live by the calendar but it seemed my body knew and remembered those certain time periods. Maybe it is just my imagination. Yes, I remember certain dates that would bring me such pain. It all is so tender, these days of remembrance. What once gave us joy now makes us realize we are missing someone very vital in our lives. It just plain sucks! There is really no way to avoid these memories. At some point it turned around for me and I try to be thankful for the memories but at first it all just hurt - body, spirit and soul!
Sending hugs of compassion, love and prayers,
Leda
I wish I knew how to help you Vicki, but I too still live by the calendar...still trying to get through the first months, and first year of all the firsts... Then I\'m sure I will struggle through the seconds and thirds etc.. I hope you find Leda\'s response helpful, as I have.
Big hugs
Coco
I have no words that could make it better and for that I am so very sorry. I can offer understanding a very tight hug! Your Jennifer is in heaven with my Tony. Hugs hugs
I know you\'re in pain & I\'m thinking of you. Maybe the sorrow will ease up long enough to celebrate Hunter on his special day. Sending big hugs & love,
Donna
Happy Birthday, to Hunter. I have an 18 yr. old grandson, named Hunter too. I know it is hard to celebrate birthdays and holidays, when your child is not there. Pour some of that love onto Hunter and make him feel special, because he is. I am sorry, you are hurting so badly. Jennifer is always with you, in your heart.
((((HUGS)))), Julia
I agree with Julia, What a blessing Hunter is, show him and know that Jennifer is with you both. Love, Kathy
I know.....gosh how I know. I hated that damn calendar....just ticking off more and more time and events that I couldn\'t bear. Eventually, it did fade into the background of my grief. Eventually.
Happy birthday to Hunter!
(((hugs)))
Thanks you all - Hunter\'s dinner celebration went well - I put on a happy face and loved on him when he let me.....Your words bring me such comfort and it helps to know we are all in this together.....:)
Understanding how those days can really tank our spirits. For me it was the 13th of every month that really did it. Down the road, and I\'m not even sure when it was, I realized that it was the 14th and I had moved through the 13th without that familiar ache in my heart.
Grateful to hear that you could love on Hunter and oh, even though they act as if they could wiggle right out of your arms I truly believe they still love it and need it. Happy you don\'t have all those miles between you now and can be there for these special moments.
Gentle care dearest Vicki and oh, how I do understand and anyone else would look at us like, \"What are you even talking about?\" Yet, the understanding and empathy that it is here is such a blessing and a healer, isn\'t it...
Much love,
XO Joanie