CRAP
Shit - why all 3 of my sons? What the hell. Now it's the oldest but it's not because of a drug or alcohol problem, at least ~ I don't think so. Tonight I found out through my husband that our oldest son revealed to him that he's clinically depressed and has been for the past 3 years or so. We knew he had a bout with it his junior year in college that appeared to move into his senior year. He told my husband that he didn't graduate with honors because he flunked out his senior year. Apparently, he never let the college know of his issues like we thought he did. He also never applied for any jobs (except for the one he lost) nor did he apply for unemployment and never stopped paying on his student loans.
All along he's been leading us on - because he wanted to stay with the youth group he volunteers. I know that this is the one thing that makes him happy. Since he lives 2 1/2 hours away from us - it would be impossible for him to be involved with this group. He's out of money with a lease hanging over his head.
I knew things haven't been right but I thought, since he's an adult, he would figure this out on his own. Lately, though I was putting some pressure on him in addition to planting seeds that he can come home to re-group. He needs help. He needs counseling and maybe medication to get him to where he once was - excited about life...
Interesting - there are reasons for everything - my husband drove our youngest back to school and rather late - I might add but - he insisted in meeting our oldest son (who lives an hour from our other son) to give him the new cell phone he ordered and had it mailed to us. I told my husband that I could easily mail it tomorrow so that he doesn't have to drive out of his way - since it's so late but he wanted to. Thank God he did. Our son needed to let it out......... and we needed to know.......
All along he's been leading us on - because he wanted to stay with the youth group he volunteers. I know that this is the one thing that makes him happy. Since he lives 2 1/2 hours away from us - it would be impossible for him to be involved with this group. He's out of money with a lease hanging over his head.
I knew things haven't been right but I thought, since he's an adult, he would figure this out on his own. Lately, though I was putting some pressure on him in addition to planting seeds that he can come home to re-group. He needs help. He needs counseling and maybe medication to get him to where he once was - excited about life...
Interesting - there are reasons for everything - my husband drove our youngest back to school and rather late - I might add but - he insisted in meeting our oldest son (who lives an hour from our other son) to give him the new cell phone he ordered and had it mailed to us. I told my husband that I could easily mail it tomorrow so that he doesn't have to drive out of his way - since it's so late but he wanted to. Thank God he did. Our son needed to let it out......... and we needed to know.......
Replies
There is stuff out there about family members getting the family illnesses even though we take pains to not pass them on. If depression is an issue on either side of the family, not only can it be passed on genetically, it can be received by \'mirror neurons\' that they have; they feel what is not talked about.=, even despite heads-up parenting.
I am re-thinking this same issue re my oldest son; I really thought he would reach higher than he has, also (he\'s 25). I think he picked up on family issues even tho I swore he would not be raised with the issues I was raised with. I feel guilty, but I know I am not consciously passing on any issues; it\'s a subtle thing about self-worth and confidence.I feel like: Busted! Even tho this kid was raised in happiness, just like you mentioned about your family, some of the old family issues just sit there in him.
Crap, yes.
Usually a lease can be broken for a fee ( an extra month\'s rent or so, depending on the nature of it)--I know, bec. I had to do that when Addicted Son went off to rehab or jail--I forget which now.
But I bet you two can work something out to help him. Your husband sounds like a good guy.
I think you and I have a lot in common. I deal with all three members of my immediate family having major issues. It is so tough. I have to constantly give myself pep talks. Bobby is doing better, but I still worry he could have a set back. John stopped going to his counselor and there has been a change. He had been doing better. Right now I\'m taking a break from my extended family. I couldn\'t take pressure from them any longer. Anyway, hang in there. I know you will! : )