Crud
The lady who rudely had her kids cough and hack over us at Matthew's funeral...cough and hack over my IMMUNO-DEFICIENT child, called to tell me that the cold/flu/whatever it is has lasted over 3 weeks for them. Thank you. We needed that. We are all still sick...Sophia is especially MISERABLE.
As luck would have it, AF came to visit me for the second time since we lost Matthew and it hit with a VENGEANCE!! I hurt from head to toe!
My DH and I have ANOTHER argument going...this time over Matthew's Headstone. Nice thing to haggle about. I sent him a draft of an online design I made for his Headstone with:
Matthew Christopher
Born into the arms of Jesus
Friday, September 3, 2010
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you
Before you were born, I set you apart.”
Jeremiah 1:5
Resting here with Matthew are memorial items for
More than 200 babies lost in pregnancy
We get to have a full size headstone because they are actually starting a NEW SECTION in the cemetery for babies lost in pregnancy! Matthew will be the first one! They are choosing a special statue for this section, which we get to weigh in on...which is sweet. Anyhow, it is a full size, black granite slab w/an image of a baby in hands and looks quite elegant...BUT....DH decided that the mention of the OTHER babies needs to come BEFORE MATTHEW'S NAME!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
He said it will be "expected" by all the families who memorialized their babies with Matthew. MALARKEY!! I asked several of them for suggestions on verbiage for the headstone and NOT A SINGLE ONE even mentioned memorial items, which we are DEFINITELY mentioning...but I will NOT do it BEFORE THE NAME OF OUR SON, WHOSE BODY WILL BE BURIED THERE!!!!
I think the stress of not working is making him lose it. He was so rude about this...he has NEVER treated me like he has lately. I guess we are both very different since losing Matthew...and DH has lost more than I have, as he identified himself through his executive level job. It defined him professionally and as a provider, and he is looking for ways to exert himself here that are not appropriate.
My DD and I cried as my DH went on about how I never should have opened it up to other people for their grief if I was going to be so selfish. My DD said it was her brother's grave, and she wanted to see his name before the babies who were not IN THERE with Matthew. Argh. I finally just said that maybe he should show us what he had in mind, and that we could all pray on it and sleep on it...and talk about it when we are all feeling better.
I'm losing it. Too much crud. Everything is on hold for diagnosing Sophia because of my rude friend and her SICK children. So, Sophia suffers away...
Oh...and her post nasal drip leads to vomiting...so when my DH put her in bed with us at 3 am because we were both exhausted and she couldn't stop coughing...she gagged and turned her head to PUKE all over me...and the pillows (SOAKING INTO THE PILLOWS THROUGH THE DOUBLE CASES) and all over our bedding. Did I mention we were already exhausted...and sick? This is when the bar dropped REALLY low on what was acceptably clean in the moment. We changed bedding and jammies and used washcloths to clean up, but showers and her bath waited another fitful, cough-filled 4 hours...which meant yet ANOTHER linen change. LOL I wasn't thinking too clearly on that one.
So, after all my whining and complaining....I am definitely hanging my head in shame that my problems feel so heavy to me right now, when there is the heartbreaking story of Katie and Becca...it puts everything in perspective. What really matters are those whom we love and we need to cherish every second we get with them!!! Every second of every pregnancy...every precious moment.
Praying for their family....
As luck would have it, AF came to visit me for the second time since we lost Matthew and it hit with a VENGEANCE!! I hurt from head to toe!
My DH and I have ANOTHER argument going...this time over Matthew's Headstone. Nice thing to haggle about. I sent him a draft of an online design I made for his Headstone with:
Matthew Christopher
Born into the arms of Jesus
Friday, September 3, 2010
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you
Before you were born, I set you apart.”
Jeremiah 1:5
Resting here with Matthew are memorial items for
More than 200 babies lost in pregnancy
We get to have a full size headstone because they are actually starting a NEW SECTION in the cemetery for babies lost in pregnancy! Matthew will be the first one! They are choosing a special statue for this section, which we get to weigh in on...which is sweet. Anyhow, it is a full size, black granite slab w/an image of a baby in hands and looks quite elegant...BUT....DH decided that the mention of the OTHER babies needs to come BEFORE MATTHEW'S NAME!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
He said it will be "expected" by all the families who memorialized their babies with Matthew. MALARKEY!! I asked several of them for suggestions on verbiage for the headstone and NOT A SINGLE ONE even mentioned memorial items, which we are DEFINITELY mentioning...but I will NOT do it BEFORE THE NAME OF OUR SON, WHOSE BODY WILL BE BURIED THERE!!!!
I think the stress of not working is making him lose it. He was so rude about this...he has NEVER treated me like he has lately. I guess we are both very different since losing Matthew...and DH has lost more than I have, as he identified himself through his executive level job. It defined him professionally and as a provider, and he is looking for ways to exert himself here that are not appropriate.
My DD and I cried as my DH went on about how I never should have opened it up to other people for their grief if I was going to be so selfish. My DD said it was her brother's grave, and she wanted to see his name before the babies who were not IN THERE with Matthew. Argh. I finally just said that maybe he should show us what he had in mind, and that we could all pray on it and sleep on it...and talk about it when we are all feeling better.
I'm losing it. Too much crud. Everything is on hold for diagnosing Sophia because of my rude friend and her SICK children. So, Sophia suffers away...
Oh...and her post nasal drip leads to vomiting...so when my DH put her in bed with us at 3 am because we were both exhausted and she couldn't stop coughing...she gagged and turned her head to PUKE all over me...and the pillows (SOAKING INTO THE PILLOWS THROUGH THE DOUBLE CASES) and all over our bedding. Did I mention we were already exhausted...and sick? This is when the bar dropped REALLY low on what was acceptably clean in the moment. We changed bedding and jammies and used washcloths to clean up, but showers and her bath waited another fitful, cough-filled 4 hours...which meant yet ANOTHER linen change. LOL I wasn't thinking too clearly on that one.
So, after all my whining and complaining....I am definitely hanging my head in shame that my problems feel so heavy to me right now, when there is the heartbreaking story of Katie and Becca...it puts everything in perspective. What really matters are those whom we love and we need to cherish every second we get with them!!! Every second of every pregnancy...every precious moment.
Praying for their family....
Replies
I hope your family is feeling better soon! I\'m so sorry that you\'re having to dea with all of this. For whatever it\'s worth, I\'m siding with you on the headstone issue. You are the one who organized this, paid for it, it is your son who is burried there, & I think that your headstone idea is very tasteful & thoughtful to the other babies involved. I don\'t find it rude or selfish at all. In fact, I think what you\'ve done is very sweet, generous, & caring! (((HUGS)))
*hugs* kat!!!!! keep clinging to the promise that God is with you through all this crap!!! He loves you very much and hasn\'t left you. Maybe you feel Him, maybe you don\'t, but He is there, caressing you and longs to carry you through the crap life throws your way. Rest in that promise!
I think that\'s a beautiful head stone for Matthew. I wish that I could have something like that, but I lost my C at only 8 weeks, and it happened at home, so...I have nothing. I\'ve been thinking of getting a tattoo to remember C by (as if I would forget, haha) but I\'m not sure exactly what to get. Back in high school I used to draw this sad fairy...she\'s sitting down with her knees drawn up and her head resting on them. It\'s beautiful and that would probably represent my feelings pretty accurately. I would put her sitting ontop of the lillies I already have on my back.
I\'m sorry your family is sick. I come from a big family (I have four brothers) and each time one of us got sick it went all around the house so EVERYONE was sick, so I understand. Except I understand it from the kid\'s point of view, lol.
I feel for you and I agree with you that the headstone should have Matthews name on it. You arranged everything. This is your tangible evidence that your baby really exist.
Losing a baby before birth is incredibly hard on everyone partially because to those around us it isn\'t quite as real. They haven\'t held the baby or seen the baby. And for men it is especially hard. They don\'t know how to console us when our heart is broken. Your poor husband probably feels like he should be protecting you and your children from all this pain and suffering and on top of all that he no longer has his job. When I went through this I found a couple of good books for the father to read. I don\'t know if your DH would be interested in reading a book about coping with grief or not but it might be helpful. My DH and I fought terribly after the loss and he was adamant that we were not having another child because he was unwilling to go through this experience again. God must have known I was unable to move on w/o a baby to hold in my arms again. We had another surprise pregnancy.
What I learned from my experience is it is ok to get angry, and cry in the long run I always feel better. I lost my little one in 2000. It was a problem pregnancy from the beginning so I had many sonograms. Long story short. Everything seemed fine I took my six year old in with me to hear the heart beat. It wasn\'t there. We had to get the sonogram and there was my baby curled up in a ball. Baby \"Precious\" had been dead for about a week. We were devastated; I had a dnc but made sure the doctor knew I wanted to see the baby. Precious was perfectly formed, perfect hand and toes. I didn\'t want to deal with it so I went back to work 3 days later. I started having panic attacks; I was unable to be a good mom for close to a year. When I had my DD in 2001 I snapped out of it. What I learned is to allow myself to have a temper tantrum (privately of course:)) Get angry and then I am able to move on. This pain we are going through isn\'t fair. All of you have a right to be angry, sad, feel like you are going insane, hopefully the goal for all us is the pain will subside, and the sun will shine again in our lives and hopefully we have made some good strong friendships along the way that will be our shoulder to cry on and the strength to helps hold us together in our dark moments and the ones who will truly share in our joys and we can reciprocate all of this to them. Sorry this is long winded. I just wanted to offer you hope and let you know that it does get better eventually .