burial
Today we buried my father one of the kindest most wonderful men in the world. I lied to him just before he died ....I told him we would take care of each other and everything would be fine.....but it wont be. i am checking out emotionally i cant take care of anyone else....not even my daughters they have lost a grand father and a mother my husband has lost a wife. i have lost my soul. i cant be the person that i shoulc be for him. i cant be the person anyone needs me to be anymore. when i die there will be nothing for me beyond i am not a person who deserves that. i am an empty shell i dont know how air is even moving in and out of my body....i dont know how i will go on.....i dont know how to move ..............he was the best i am the worst...i shouldnt have lied but his mind was hanging on to a dying body. now if he is somewhere else he knows truly what a horrible person i am. what a dissapointment. people like him and my mom should go on not people like me. i am suppose to take care of my brother the estate my brothers family my family ...there is nothing left of me there is nothing to take care of anyone just anger and bitterness to push people away i am weak. my body is tired. ilied to everyone today....all the people today and last night. laughing and crying and hugging and listening to their stories. the fact is he is gone.....too many people are gone and it is just what keeps happening.....i dont even have the energy to hold our new grandbaby. it is just too much.
Replies
You are in the first stage of the healing process. I call it hell -- after my husband died I could not feel anything for such a long time. It was all too much to process. That was in 03 and I\'m still working on some of it. I suppose the more we love someone the more we have to go through to completely heal -- not sure -- just seems that way. Be very gentle with yourself and know whatever you are feeling is just a part of the healing process and it does, at least change, with the passing of time.
Gentle ((hugs)) Patricia
You feel about your Dad the way I felt about my Mom. I lost her over 22 years ago but still think about her and miss her everyday. I know it is a cliche but time really does heal those raw emotions. I think about all the wonderful times I had with my Mom from the time I was able to remember; how much she adored our two sons and her great granddaughter; how much fun we had when she began to sleep over on Christmas Eve into Christmas. I haven\'t thought for a long time about the years of chemo and pain she endured fighting to stay alive. I know that the years of watching her suffer gave me the courage to let her go. I took care of her in my home for 2 years before she died.
I know that grief can paralyze you. Allow yourself some time to deal with your loss but don\'t allow yourself to become so totally depressed you can\'t get back. I suffered a severe depression back in 2001 when my hubby was in the hospital for 5 1/2 months. I was just overwhelmed with the responsibility facing me. I was good at hiding it visiting my hubby every day for almost the entire day unless I was working. But in reality I was in a deep hole that I didn\'t even want to crawl out of. Fortunately I saw a dr. and got on medication for depression .
Please think about seeing a physician. You obviously have children and a husband that need you as well. I care about you and hope that things will get better for you real soon..........Hugs & Prayers, Jeanmarie
I am so sorry for your loss.... I know what it is like to be hurting and trying to find the ways to continue on with daily task....
My dad died April 1 of this year, I am a nurse so it was so hard for me to sit back and watch my dad pass in front of me... I am so mad I am only 32 and how am I going to explain this pain that I have to my young children...
I went back to work after 3 weeks which wasn\'t easy but I thought it would be better that way....
I pray peace and beautiful memories....