Building Up
I've been feeling the built up emotion lately, the "I'm going to jump out of my skin" reaction a lot of people on this board talk about. Thanks by the way for giving the foresight to recognize just what it is. The analogy of jumping out of my skin is good. I feel ready to molt (Funny, I keep seeing myself as a cicada, not a butterfly, HA). I want to shed this shell of a closet and SOON.
I have made the mental connection that that can only be achieved by telling my parents. Now every time we're together its on the tip of my tongue. It is almost becoming a physical need to tell them. I've even begun losing sleep over it. Fortunately I know how to calm myself down and get to bed, but still, I generally don't get this type of pang.
I've played out every scenario I can in my head, and reviewed my plans ad nauseum (account for variables, calculate routes based on reactions, followthrough, etc.). It has always been an internal battle of emotions when visualizing it-- well a battle of two emotions, fear and excitement. Until very recently the fear always won, but the excitement, miraculously has begun gaining an upperhand. In the last few days he's even brought a friend into battle; Relief. I am actually beginning to feel some pre-emptive relief of being out in the open. This relief I see as the crack in my shell, the signal it's time to start emerging to my parents.
I believe I've just realized why I see myself as the cicada and not the butterfly. A cicada can stay dorment in its shell for nearly 20 years, never experiencing its true self, but once it comes out, it is brand new, and extremely resilient. Why be a delicate butterfly when you can be the adept cicada?
I have made the mental connection that that can only be achieved by telling my parents. Now every time we're together its on the tip of my tongue. It is almost becoming a physical need to tell them. I've even begun losing sleep over it. Fortunately I know how to calm myself down and get to bed, but still, I generally don't get this type of pang.
I've played out every scenario I can in my head, and reviewed my plans ad nauseum (account for variables, calculate routes based on reactions, followthrough, etc.). It has always been an internal battle of emotions when visualizing it-- well a battle of two emotions, fear and excitement. Until very recently the fear always won, but the excitement, miraculously has begun gaining an upperhand. In the last few days he's even brought a friend into battle; Relief. I am actually beginning to feel some pre-emptive relief of being out in the open. This relief I see as the crack in my shell, the signal it's time to start emerging to my parents.
I believe I've just realized why I see myself as the cicada and not the butterfly. A cicada can stay dorment in its shell for nearly 20 years, never experiencing its true self, but once it comes out, it is brand new, and extremely resilient. Why be a delicate butterfly when you can be the adept cicada?
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