brother.....**possible triggers**
soooo my parents and brother talked in the basement last night.....i was left to finish dinner.....in our house the basement is on the way to the kitchen....well the basement door was open and i checked the timer and there was 20 minutes left for the potatoes in the oven....my curiousity got the best of me and i leaned my head in the door of the basement.......i heard my brother say that he was NOT going back to college......my parents and him talked a then he FINALLY told them why.....he was walking out of a hall going back to his apartment on campus when two guys with knives came up to him and demanded money....he gave them all the money he had and then they pushed him on the ground, flipped him on his stomach and cut his back....he never struggled for fear that he would get killed.....never in my life have i EVER heard my brother cry and when he told this story he did......my parents sat there and when he was done my mom said,"did you tell anyone???" "no..." "why not??!!" "i was scared, embarassed...." she sighed aggravated and said,"this is exactly what val did!!! she never told anyone until AFTER!!!!! God, can't you 2 realize that maybe these people need to be caught!!!????" I was pissed and wanted to storm down those stairs and yell at my motehr, but i literally bit my tongue and lsitened a few more minutes....then i went and got the potatoes out of the oven and did a few more things for dinner....i went back to the door and heard some more of the conversation.....my dad said,"i'm upset because YOU'RE upset....this makes me so sad that you had to go through this..." my mom said,"i'm so sorry that you had to go throguh that and i really wish that you had told someone....your feelings are your feelings and you're entitled to them..." my parents went on and on about how sorry they were that my brother had to endure that......i ran to the bathroom and burst into tears.....all of this validation that they gave to my brother....they never gave to ME.......i was in a similar situation and instead of validation i get toldthat i'm not beleived, it didn't really happen, i;m over-reacting, i need to get over it, my parents have NEVER felt sorry or scared for me and now becasue it's my brother they do???!!!! i'm crying writing this and i think i have every right to be!!!! why does my brother get the validation that i need and crave and i get absolutely NOTHING???!!!!!!
Replies
I really feel for you and your brother val...I can relate to what your feeling...it took over twenty years after I was abused to tell my mom and sisters what happened to me...the night after I told them I remember driving home and my mom called and asked me if Bob was really the one who abused me, or was it someone else (they bastards name isn\'t Bob but that doesn\'t matter). I was so furious for a moment that I couldn\'t speak. Who the hell would forget something like that? It\'s like she wanted to deny that it ever happened...I think that, because Bob was such a close friend to our family, she couldn\'t believe he could do what he did to me, or that she felt guilty that she didn\'t know what was going on. What I\'m trying to say is, maybe you\'re parent\'s judgement is skewed because your uncle abused you instead of some strangers packing knives...I don\'t know if what I\'m saying makes sense or if it gives you any comfort, but I\'m here for you :)
Val, I agree with Brian. The irony that what happened to your brother was horrible but not as horrible as what happened to you, just makes what happened to him easier to handle. For people who are not used to the kind of pain you\'ve been through it\'s hard for them to support you the way you deserve. I hope you do get more validation for what happened to you. It\'s hard to get over a rape. The memories just haunt you and don\'t let you heal quickly. So sorry this happened to you dear.