Broken Trust

I moved into my new home 9 years ago. I live on a small dirt road in a tiny town. This road literally has 3 houses on it, so as neighbors, we all grew close.  There is my house, my neighbor, Dink's, house, and then the house of the one who made my life crumble. I will never forget how this man made me believe that trust was a joke. Guy (yes that is his real name) was there for me since I was a little girl. He would always bring me and my brother presents for Christmas. He would set up little Easter egg hunts for us and always remembered our birthdays. He was like a grandfather to me. Dink and Guy were both older men and always helped us out. They came to every birthday party and get-together we had. As I got older, Guy began to let me drink and smoke cigarettes with him. Now that I look at that, I should have known he would want something in return. What business did a man like him have giving a 16 year old alcohol and cigarettes? At the time, I thought it was awesome. It was all fun and games until one day he looks at me and says, "Emily, I have always seen you as a granddaughter, but there are some time I see you as something else. You are getting older." As this made me uncomfortable, I still came back for the booze and smokes. The alarm in my head was going off, but I chose to ignore it. He knew I was not a virgin due to how close the neighbors were on the road. Another day, he says, "I wish I could have been your first. I could show you how a real man does it. I can be a sugar daddy type person for you. I'll get you whiskey and cigarettes and we will figure something out." That was when my mind went crazy. Is my body only worthy enough for a bottle of whiskey and cigarettes? This was not the man I grew to love and know. This was a monster in the making. I stopped showing up for the beers and cigarettes. I avoided him anywhere I could. I hated myself for letting it get that far. I hated myself even more after he raped a girl I knew from my childhood. She was a sixteen year old deaf girl who had no idea what sex was. She cried for days on end. I wish there was a way I could have prevented that. I feel as if it is my fault that this innocent girl had her childhod ripped away from her. I cry for her when she has no strength to cry. I cry with her. I would have rather it be me than her. If only I could turn back time.