Broken and Torn

I don't know if the Lord is sending me the messages I am getting or if it is attacks from Satan.  I'm feeling that I am to distance myself from a person who I have been clinging to for guideance in my relationship with Jesus.  I am hoping and praying that it is attacks from Satan and not a message from God...however...if I need to distance myself from this person in order for my relationship with my Father to grow then I have to do His will.  I haven't automatically gone and stopped talking to the person (who I love dearly as if she were my big sister) but have presented to her what is on my mind and the latest battle.  I hoped for an automatic answer that would say girl, that is so totally from Satan I don't even know why you're entertaining that idea.  But in reality that isn't what happened and it is something we both will need to pray about.  I can see pros and cons and that is why I can't quite grasp who whether it is a message from God or from Satan.  I feel literally sick over this but am willing to do what I have to in God's eyes.  I know I haven't been depending on Him like I should be....truth is I am afraid...and a bit stubborn.  I know without a doubt now that I need God and that He needs to be the first one who I turn to...not closer to the bottom of the list like He sometimes is.  But at the same time I find talking to this person helps encourage to seek after God's heart and to want to be in a relationship with Him.  I see what she has, that special light, and I want that so bad and I know that comes from having a relationship with the Lord.   The last few days have been such a struggle spiritually.  Not just with regards to this person (this just came up today) but with regards to how much God truly means to me.  How much am I willing to do for Him.  I'm at a point where the last few days it physically hurts to even take a breath...and the only reason I keep on taking breaths is because He's giving them to me.  I know I don't have it in me to keep breathing...I lost that strength.  It's only His strength I am even going on now.  Every inch and fibre of my body aches, every muscle, every joint...my heart feels like each beat will be its last but I know it's not over yet.  This battle is not over, it is not my time to leave this earth as much as my body would love to...right now I need to rest in His arms...receive His breaths....and simply obey...as much as that breaks me to do.  I don't have an ounce in me left to fight otherwise right now.