Broken
In the last couple months I've had to come to terms with a few things.
1st: I was in an abusive relationship
This is something I did not want to admit to myself. Least of all my family. I just couldn't understand how I let it get to that point. I kept thinking..."this isn't like me". But he manipulated and lied and I was blinded by my own feelings because he had been my friend since I was 14 years old. I never in a million years thought he would ever be like that.
2nd: I have a depression problem, which of course is common in patients with thyroid problems.
Because of my lack of self worth I hung on. I kept telling myself "this is it. if he doesn't change, I am gone." I told myself that for a year. I kept hanging on to the empty promises. "I'm working on it" "I will get help". Until finally I got the nerve to leave. I KNOW I deserve better.
3rd: I am still (after 8 months) recovering from the damage he has done
Last night my brother was trying to get my attention and he grabbed me from behind by the arms and tried to turn me around. I instantly went into panic mode. As soon as he grabbed my arms I was right back there with Sam. I started screaming at him. Telling him not to touch me. And of course my poor brother (only 14) doesn't understand....
I didn't realize until that moment how much damage he has done. I hate him for what he has done to me. But he is not in control anymore. I am taking back control over my own life.
1st: I was in an abusive relationship
This is something I did not want to admit to myself. Least of all my family. I just couldn't understand how I let it get to that point. I kept thinking..."this isn't like me". But he manipulated and lied and I was blinded by my own feelings because he had been my friend since I was 14 years old. I never in a million years thought he would ever be like that.
2nd: I have a depression problem, which of course is common in patients with thyroid problems.
Because of my lack of self worth I hung on. I kept telling myself "this is it. if he doesn't change, I am gone." I told myself that for a year. I kept hanging on to the empty promises. "I'm working on it" "I will get help". Until finally I got the nerve to leave. I KNOW I deserve better.
3rd: I am still (after 8 months) recovering from the damage he has done
Last night my brother was trying to get my attention and he grabbed me from behind by the arms and tried to turn me around. I instantly went into panic mode. As soon as he grabbed my arms I was right back there with Sam. I started screaming at him. Telling him not to touch me. And of course my poor brother (only 14) doesn't understand....
I didn't realize until that moment how much damage he has done. I hate him for what he has done to me. But he is not in control anymore. I am taking back control over my own life.
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