Bring It Forward

Been on a shopping binge in recent days. Nowhere near shop-a-holic intensity, but quite intense for my personal norm. Last week's temperature drop and the need to build a new social network rendered my summer camp wardrobe beneath even MY fashion sense. Been winter clothes shopping, plus odds and ends for the house/lab. The high dollar splurge was a water distiller for the lab. It is low end for lab standards, but pricey compared to household models. The tower garden remains empty because I havenae been able to bring myself to fill the 20 gallon tank with tap water, nor to buy the plastic bottles to fill it with commercially processed water. The distiller I settled on will still need 2 and a half days to distill enough water to fill the tank, but once full, it should produce plenty to keep the plants happy while providing household needs, as well. So I theorate. . . We see how it goes in fact after the distiller arrives from Nebraska.

With the influx of new purchases, my thoughts are reminding me to bring forward the old more than seeking the new. I donae have many validated successes in my life, but it wasnae for lack of trying. When I review my personal herstory, my damaged self-esteem sees far more delusions of granduer than valid plans. Who was I kidding to think I ever could? How could I have been stupid enough to believe the well-intentioned do-gooders who encouraged me to try? There is a reason *people like me* have self-destructed before 30 throughout most of human history.

My river and plant dreams are two of the oldest dreams in my dream book. Even when amnesia hid the childhood connections from me, my passion for watersheds and plants continued to grow independantly.

No shopping planned for today. In my long battle against the creeping thing piles during my parenting years, I developed a personal policy of not bringing in more new things untill the last influx has been assimilated and/or space has been cleared for the new. Seems to me that every packrat of whatever economic class I have played throw-away Nazi for has had plenty of shopping bags which still contained treasures and receipts that never even made it out of the bag they carried them home in. During my first rounds of battle with the family-sized creeping thing piles, I found a humiliating number of such bags in the household piles. For today, my goal is to work with whatever I have on hand.