Brief Rant

Shortly after I graduated high school, I went off to college..but not really. I continued to live at home with my parents and go ti a local college because I wasn't quite ready to flee the nest and really enjoyed having my security blanket (my mother). The first week of classes I had the WORST experience ever. I began sweating, couldn't stand or sit, weak in the knees and I even began to dry heave multiple times. I called my mother who was at work freaking out about the thoughts that were going through my head and the physical symptoms I was having. I had assumed it was the flu, but it wasn't..I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression back in 2009 and ever since have struggled..Struggled with school, with the issues pertaining to my biological father living less than 20 minutes away and never coming to see me, and most of all struggling to accept who I am..
 
The hardest thing for me is to accept the way I look, feel, and to accept me as a whole. I can't stop pointing out my imperfections. This is the depression aspect of it all..
 
I am currently not on any medication because the last medication I was on for about a week and had ridiculous thoughts such as divorcing my husband (whom I had just married in Oct 2014 and have been happily together since 2007). I have a psych. apt on the 30th and I'm trying to hold out as long as I can until then to be put on something by someone who knows more than the PA who was previously prescribing me other medications. 
 
I'm only 23 and have my entire life ahead of me..and since 2009 when my struggle began..it feels like things will never be "normal" for me..