Breathe in, breathe out
You know how when you are at the very limit of your ability to endure, the one thing you need to do to survive... is breathe. Breathe in, breathe out.
I have had such an emo stretch (Andy would call it 'emo' so I will) recently. Just to discover the depth and breadth and width and intensity of this ocean of sorrow, to express it and share it and be ok with others also in it. E-MO!
To make my work even more crystal clear, I was asked by our new music director Claudia last Thursday to sing a solo in the Dia de los Muertes (Day of the Dead) service today, which was the lead vocal for BREATHS (Lyrics below) by Ysaye Barnwell of "Sweet Honey in the Rock", an accapella women's group that I love.
Claudia didn't know about Andy. I waffled and wavered but decided to not tell her before the service, and to just DO it with my heart engaged but to not think about it tooooooo much. Delicate balancing, eh? Yes I totally know I could have excused myself or asked a friend (with a stronger voice, probably) to sing for me, right up to the last minute, and in fact one friend said if I got too overwhelmed by it she'd jump in. Safety Net City!! : )
So......... I did it. I love this song and its message. I sang it with a simple clear voice. Everyone in the background was doing all the rhythm parts, the bum bah da dee daah.
I did it for you, Andy my Love, to honor your memory and your gifts and the blessing of your ongoing presence in my mortal space as I take another trip 'round the sun. The dead have a pact with the living.
Here's the original, and the lyrics. Whew. I'm going out to rake some leaves, and feel the spirits of all my ancestors along with me.
Peace,Sarah
p.s. YES I told Claudia, after the service... we both wept. She has three sons that she worries about. She said thank you for not telling me beforehand... neither of us would have made it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3e-zLKyZLw
Breaths
lyrics adapted from the poem by Birago Diop, music by Ysaye M. Barnwell
(C)1980
Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.
Those who have died have never, never left
The dead are not under the earth
They are in the rustling trees
They are in the groaning woods
They are in the crying grass,
they are in the moaning rocks
The dead are not under the earth.
Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.
Those who have died have never never left.
The dead have a pact with the living.
They are in the woman’s breast,
they are in the wailing child
They are with us in our homes.
They are with us in the crowd
The dead have a pact with the living.
Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.
(breathing sounds: sahhh whishhhhhhhh sahhh whishhhhhhh)
I have had such an emo stretch (Andy would call it 'emo' so I will) recently. Just to discover the depth and breadth and width and intensity of this ocean of sorrow, to express it and share it and be ok with others also in it. E-MO!
To make my work even more crystal clear, I was asked by our new music director Claudia last Thursday to sing a solo in the Dia de los Muertes (Day of the Dead) service today, which was the lead vocal for BREATHS (Lyrics below) by Ysaye Barnwell of "Sweet Honey in the Rock", an accapella women's group that I love.
Claudia didn't know about Andy. I waffled and wavered but decided to not tell her before the service, and to just DO it with my heart engaged but to not think about it tooooooo much. Delicate balancing, eh? Yes I totally know I could have excused myself or asked a friend (with a stronger voice, probably) to sing for me, right up to the last minute, and in fact one friend said if I got too overwhelmed by it she'd jump in. Safety Net City!! : )
So......... I did it. I love this song and its message. I sang it with a simple clear voice. Everyone in the background was doing all the rhythm parts, the bum bah da dee daah.
I did it for you, Andy my Love, to honor your memory and your gifts and the blessing of your ongoing presence in my mortal space as I take another trip 'round the sun. The dead have a pact with the living.
Here's the original, and the lyrics. Whew. I'm going out to rake some leaves, and feel the spirits of all my ancestors along with me.
Peace,Sarah
p.s. YES I told Claudia, after the service... we both wept. She has three sons that she worries about. She said thank you for not telling me beforehand... neither of us would have made it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3e-zLKyZLw
Breaths
lyrics adapted from the poem by Birago Diop, music by Ysaye M. Barnwell
(C)1980
Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.
Those who have died have never, never left
The dead are not under the earth
They are in the rustling trees
They are in the groaning woods
They are in the crying grass,
they are in the moaning rocks
The dead are not under the earth.
Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.
Those who have died have never never left.
The dead have a pact with the living.
They are in the woman’s breast,
they are in the wailing child
They are with us in our homes.
They are with us in the crowd
The dead have a pact with the living.
Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.
(breathing sounds: sahhh whishhhhhhhh sahhh whishhhhhhh)
Replies
Whew. That\'s powerful. Bless you Sarah. For sharing this with all of us. For having the courage to share it at the service. (I can\'t get through a song like that w/o my voice breaking up.) I wish I could have heard YOU singing. I love Sweet Honey too. I didn\'t know anyone still listened to them! Andy is somewhere in some form and he is so loving his mom, as he did in this life. And I feel your love for him so strongly.
Yes, powerful! I enjoyed listening to the video. Wish I could have heard your performance!! Does your music director now know Andy? I know he is SO proud of you...so am I. Big, big hugs, Teri.
Sarah, I have heard this before. It is beautiful. I don\'t think I could\'ve made it through. You are strong and I know you did it for Andy. He is proud of hs Mom! I bet you did a great job. I also would have loved to hear you sing. Well done. Love & hugs, Linda
Very nice calmed my soul I need it today!
so sad, so soothing. thank you. I hadn\'t heard this before.
I had never heard of Sweet Honey. Had never heard of the song. I don\'t know how you managed that song but it must have been wonderful. I can\'t even get through the answer when someone asks me about Zack\'s class ring I wear on a chain. Thank you for this.
You should be proud of your presentation of strength. Lovely words of comfort. Are children have not left us. Love to you and Andy. Peggy
so sad and touching i wish i could say something to make you feel better but right now you are in an emotional turmoil of emotions anf grief. i went through it to ndstill am my daughter died of lupus she hd it 13 years and died a horrible death. then 4 years before she died he husband died of cancer. so i know how horrible this must be right now for you good going to church and singing. wonderful tribut to your son. hugs zz
p.s. YES I told Claudia, after the service... we both wept. She has three sons that she worries about. She said thank you for not telling me beforehand... neither of us would have made it!
That was beautiful and soothing. Thank you for sharing.
Im so glad you were able to get thru singing it.
WOW....Beautiful ...
Love Sweet Honey
Love what you did
love and comfort and peace to you.....
Thanks for sharing. So beautiful!!!!
Wow - I don\'t know how you did that, but I\'m proud of you! I used to love to sing. My husband and I sang in our church choir for years. We don\'t anymore. I just never know when a song will make me cry, so I just can\'t. Kudos to you!!
Thanks for sharing I have never heard this before it was beautiful I havent listen to music since Jason. dont know why used to have my car radio blasting now I cant even turn it on.