-breathe

Losing weight is  an ordeal for me. I'ts a battle inside my mind, heart and my body. I know that my mental illness has also something to do with it, I mean why is it being "extra hard." It's like I can't stand being healthy, eating healthy and all the things that comes along with it. It really is a struggle. I keep on asking myself why is it so hard to quit, when I know that it is destroying myself , my mind, my body, my everything. Overeating takes away my happiness from me. I realized just hours ago, i heard that there is a voice inside my head, actually its my body talking to me, that she cannot take it anymore, and she' s dying. She doesnt like what's happening, and she wanted me to stop.  I really wanted to save her. And believe me, I really do wanted to change. To stop.And I know how to do it. I'm just so damn scared. I feel like i'm vulnerable and all this negative things are keep on hitting me.Punching me. Cutting and stabbing my heart. I mean don't get me all wrong. I am fighting it, it but I keep on losing everytime. It's like if I dont grab that junk food, i will go insane.   What's wrong with me? I think the one thing, the thing that is most important that i cannot endure is the gradual breaking away from it, from the food, from the addiction and from the comfort that it brings whenever i'm on an abyss of loneliness. Food is my salvation. I am asking God forgiveness because I coudn't stand strong every time satan is calling me.   I hated it. I really do.