Breakthrough?
Conscientious avoidance has been the key element of blending my husband's Corporate Class suburban heritage with my country white trash heritage into a semi-functional family structure. Often I have felt like it was the parable of the fish who fell in love with the bird. Their love could not provide a home they could share.
Yet somehow we have shared a home for most of the 33 years we have known one another.
Keeping our extended families separate has been high on our coping list. The two families have horrible, judgemental names for one another. Neither family is as good as they claim at keeping secrets. Both families are surrounded by emotional mine fields that are secretively treacherous to navigate. Irrational blow ups run like a flood plane through both families. Mixing the two families is dangerous, at best. By some miracle, my sons love and respect us and my husband's parents. My relatives are still quite scary. Survivalist levels of paranoia, etc.
I do not hold much hope for my own family. You either embrace their dysfunctions and secrets or you move on. I moved on and accept the void as part of my life. I deal with the refugees who seek me out, but accept they have no solutions for any of my personal issues. Nor do I expect my beloved to understand. It was a decision that was 7 years into therapy before we even met.
My husband's family is financially and physically stable, but they, too, live by the code of family secrecy. They can share party days, but not much more. I still am not house broken enough to get their party rules. I keep stating the obvious and finding out it was a secret. It seems the best I can do is stay out of it and cheer my beloved on while he works through his personal issues.
This morning's coffee found my beloved busy bee talking about memories I have never glimpsed before. Memories that explained quite allot.
Could it be a breakthrough?
Yet somehow we have shared a home for most of the 33 years we have known one another.
Keeping our extended families separate has been high on our coping list. The two families have horrible, judgemental names for one another. Neither family is as good as they claim at keeping secrets. Both families are surrounded by emotional mine fields that are secretively treacherous to navigate. Irrational blow ups run like a flood plane through both families. Mixing the two families is dangerous, at best. By some miracle, my sons love and respect us and my husband's parents. My relatives are still quite scary. Survivalist levels of paranoia, etc.
I do not hold much hope for my own family. You either embrace their dysfunctions and secrets or you move on. I moved on and accept the void as part of my life. I deal with the refugees who seek me out, but accept they have no solutions for any of my personal issues. Nor do I expect my beloved to understand. It was a decision that was 7 years into therapy before we even met.
My husband's family is financially and physically stable, but they, too, live by the code of family secrecy. They can share party days, but not much more. I still am not house broken enough to get their party rules. I keep stating the obvious and finding out it was a secret. It seems the best I can do is stay out of it and cheer my beloved on while he works through his personal issues.
This morning's coffee found my beloved busy bee talking about memories I have never glimpsed before. Memories that explained quite allot.
Could it be a breakthrough?
Replies
I know what you mean.
This is an echo of my own marriage.
My EX was from MONEY !!!!!
My family, Dad pulled himself out of a Ohio ghetto, and made something of himself ...Mom...poor white farmers who came West during the War for work.
EX\'s family, very private..always a fake smile , perfect posture and table manners.
My family, loud , not mean, just loud and pretty much always happy to see each other .
I am pleased to hear, you two have made it so far .