Breakthrough?

I don't know what came over me Saturday but I can only hope it's a good, positive step in the living again process. My other half informed me around 10:30 am that the Eagles club (his second home), was having a picnic. It was drizzly and cloudy again. For some reason, I said "let's go". It was under a pavilion and there were quite a few people there. I guess everyone had the same idea to get out of the house., and ignore the yuck weather. They had a DJ. I never talk about it but, I love mainly 70's and 80's rock and soul music. I think maybe I had forgotten all of the things that I once loved, over the last four months or so. Anyway, as we got closer to the pavilion, I heard Rick James, followed by Prince and a lot of familiar upbeat music and I started singing and dancing! I could feel the eyes upon me but, I did not care. I wasn't on the "dance floor" but off to the side. I used to drink a lot of alcohol and I usually did not act like this unless I had "one too many" but, I was sober this time. I talk a lot but I am usually too bashful to even get out of my seat! I don't know where this DJ came from but it was like he was reading my mind and constantly played songs that I had once loved. He kept looking at me and I was telling him the names of the bands. He said he had never seen a female know so much about music. I had buried this part of me and had only been listening to slow, sad songs lately. When we left there, we went back to the "club". The same DJ came, and continued to play for hours. I got lost in the music and kept on singing and dancing. I had gotten to a place that I never wanted to leave. But eventually Wayne said it was time to go home. I was  begging and pleading with him to stay a little longer until I finally agreed to leave. I  think I was afraid I would go home and feel guilty, for having a good time. The last time I ventured out like this, I came home and cried my heart out. That was not to be, this time. I not only amazed myself but Sunday morning, Wayne went back to the club for breakfast and many of the same people from the picnic were there. According to him, I was the main topic! People told him that they had never seen this side of me and they were glad to see me having a good time. Until now, Wayne had been going everywhere without me. I felt bad about that but, I didn't want to leave my "little world". Now, I'm so glad I did. I just had to give myself a swift kick and allow myself to try to have some fun. We have made plans to go to a dance at the American Legion, in a couple of weeks with my brother and his girlfriend. I don't know how that will turn out but I'll hope for the best. My brother and Wayne at one time were best friends but when we're together anymore, I can feel the tension between them. My brother caused this mess because when he drinks, he says a lot of hurtful things. I don't even know if he's aware of it but he never apologizes. I just hope, if only for my sake, they will behave. I don't want to have to choose a side...I couldn't. For the moment, everything is fine. I hope I made my Daddy proud. I know he doesn't want me to be miserable. Maybe he's the one that gave me that "swift kick!"