breaking up is hard to do
Recently broke up with my boyfriend who helped me through a lot during my darkest moment. We met then. He was very nice. But throughout we have this long distance relationship. If I am in US, he is in China. When I am in China, he is in US.
Anyhow, a day ago he just wanted to be friends. When asked, he said he would like to have the freedom to sleep with anyone when the opportunity arises.
It cuts like a knife. I cannot believe that one I trusted and think of highly as a gentlemen starts to think with his dick.
I love him and I still do. This separation has brought all the grief and past hurt back. My anxiety is high, I cried, I miss my son, I asked questions like "why" "what happen" "what can I do differently" "what should I have said or did not said"
It is familar grief... every stop of it. I cannot believe all the work and progress I made in the past just slip.
The pain and sorrow are intense with the complication of my past hurt.
Now I am fearful. Am I loveable? Will I be alone for the rest of my life, and childless?
Anyhow, a day ago he just wanted to be friends. When asked, he said he would like to have the freedom to sleep with anyone when the opportunity arises.
It cuts like a knife. I cannot believe that one I trusted and think of highly as a gentlemen starts to think with his dick.
I love him and I still do. This separation has brought all the grief and past hurt back. My anxiety is high, I cried, I miss my son, I asked questions like "why" "what happen" "what can I do differently" "what should I have said or did not said"
It is familar grief... every stop of it. I cannot believe all the work and progress I made in the past just slip.
The pain and sorrow are intense with the complication of my past hurt.
Now I am fearful. Am I loveable? Will I be alone for the rest of my life, and childless?
Replies
China,
I can relate to how you are feeling. You deserve much more; in the meantime don\'t let his lack of maturity define your value/self-worth. You\'re very strong and I know you\'ll get thru this set back...
China, this is a setback, it will PASS. Perhaps you got into a relationship a bit too soon and invested in it more than you normally would have without the tragic loss of your loved child? People fail us all the time, that\'s the nature of life, but there are others who make up for it. We\'re all here holding you up. Grief is a horrible thing. When it bites you, it takes a long time for a scab to form. That scab is easily damaged and the wound bleeds again, and then finally there\'s a scar, the constant reminder but without the intense pain all the time. You are very lovable but the distance between you and him is huge geographically. It\'s very hard to have a love relationship even without that distance. Don\'t take this personally. He lost a special person: you. I hope you understand this had nothing to do with you, it\'s him. When people don\'t live up to our expectations it hurts a lot and of course it brings back the abandonment you feel (a normal reaction) due to the death of your loved child. But be assured that you are a loving, warm, compassionate, empathic person of great value to all of us here.
I hate to hear more sorrow in your writing...as if you didn\'t have enough already....it is a known fact that men do typically think with that \"other head.\" Relationships are so complicated especially when there is so much emotional need and then compounded with a loss that can never be recovered...this must be so devastating to you but let me assure you that you are worthy of someone who will treasure you and love you...not as a convenience for his physical needs but who can be wholey there in every capacity. I pray that you will find comfort in the company of that special someone who can be there with and for you...and soon. Dear Lord, hear our prayer. Love and special squeeze hugs for you, dear one...dale, brandon\'s mom
Thank you. Your comments have provided great support and consolation. Still in pain and in tears... one min at a time.
Im so sorry and I hate to be cynical but I think all men think with their you know what\'s. Atleast he was honest with you and didn\'t do it behind your back and you find out that way. Trust me, that is much more painful. I know you will have difficult days ahead. I think loss hurts in whatever form it presents and this is yet another loss for you. Sending you lots of love and prayers for strength as you navigate the days ahead. Love Robin