Breakdown
Well it's been a while...
It's almost been a year since I've even really had the time to write anything. And here I am writing on my phone at 4 in the morning tossing and turning. Where to start.
After my LA trip things took a sharp turn to shit. Around the eve of the anniversary that my wife decided to cheat on me, I found out she was talking to another man. Another married man. And yes she said he was just a friend. So I confronted him and he stopped talking to her. I asked him if his wife was talking to another man late at night after she told him she was going to bed, if he would be just a little upset. I told my wife I had talked to him. She was very Pissed at me. She said she'll never have friends again. Christmas came and went. Then new years. Got passed the anniversary of finding out. Got to the point of not thinking of the infidelity every day. Then every week. Then maybe once a month. In this time I got a new job with an old boss. Things were looking up. Got CPS called on us twice before school ended with the kids. Stupid principal doesn't like it if you call her out on her bullshit. Long story. Summer was fast. House was supposed to be tip top before school started, wasn't. Wife started looking for excuses not to be home. Kids were pretty much raising themselves. 4 out of 5 kids cut their feet on broken glass in the house during the summer, wife decides she needs to be home more. Tells her boss that she needs her hours cut down... Boss doesn't care. Keeps her at 70 hrs a week. I am talked into quitting for my wife by my wife. Talk to her boss quit for her. Her boss tells me that she asked for the hours because things at home are bad and she doesn't want to be home. Found it intriguing but still quit my wife. Noticed one man in particular keeps popping up on my wife's phone. Don't pay attention until a few weeks ago. Her sister mysteriously passes away in September. September wasn't a good month. It's now the anniversary of my sister in laws death the death of one of my twins the celebration of the surviving twin and my wife's birthday. Find out we are behind 2 months of mortgage. Two months on electricity, 3 months on gas, phone is getting cut off, insurance hasn't been paid. And I miss out on a week just to babysit my kids while my wife is out and about helping with her sisters funeral. Come home to a still dirty house, find out she moved in her coworker friend into our house with no agreement of pay or anything. Talk to the friend and ask her to help with whatever she can. Rarely does. Mainly sleeps or acts like a "cock block". acts as if she and my wife are dating. To the point where there is a lack of sex between the wife and I. Kids are back in school and the youngest starts too. House is completely empty after lunch. Wife decided she wanted to go back to work but only when kids are in school. She only works an average of 10 hours a week now. Doesn't seem to bother the wife that the house is still a mess. Clothes are piled up. Roaches and mice are now a problem. Three year old is having a bed wetting problem. So his bed smelled like urine for a weekend until I finally snap. But still after all that, things still haven't changed. Kids are now lazier than ever. She's talking to another "married" man. The man that kept popping up during the end of summer. So here's the passed weekend.
Saturday morning I grabbed her phone and looked at an app on. Her phone that she had me put on mine to block calls. It gives a breakdown of in/out calls and texts and puts them in to categories. I see that there are a shit load of texts and calls to this guy. Funny thing is, there aren't any calls or texts on the actual phone. She's been deleting them. I confronted her and she denied it. I showed her and still she denied it. I go back on the road for another week feeling very unstable. All the months passed, all the drama, the kids, bills, lack of participation with the fire department, all taking its toll on me emotionally. I wake up one morning thinking today's the day. I deleted all the pornographic material on my phone. Prayed for help. I never pray for myself. It's not a normal thing for me. I just feel selfish praying for myself. That day, electricity gets shut off, insurance still hasn't been paid. House is now 4 months behind, $3700 dollars to be exact. I only have pocket change in the account. And am now about to start making seasonal loads locally. I had a meeting with the fire department and learned that my title has been stripped from me since July. My house is still a mess. My wife is still hiding things from me. My kids do not listen. My mind is going crazy.
So here about an hour ago, her coworker friend, wakes me up and asks for a ride to work. I take her, get back into bed and try to snuggle with my wife. Can't! She pushes me away. I grabbed her phone to browse once again and realized she cleaned out the app. Now it only shows the calls made in the passed day. Bullshit I say! Now what to do. I can't go to sleep. I don't want to fight. And she's got the whole day to herself with no one to watch. She'll sleep all day and won't clean. Plus this guy will probably just come over and have his way with her while I kill myself trying to support this family.
I'm tired... Tired of everything!
It's almost been a year since I've even really had the time to write anything. And here I am writing on my phone at 4 in the morning tossing and turning. Where to start.
After my LA trip things took a sharp turn to shit. Around the eve of the anniversary that my wife decided to cheat on me, I found out she was talking to another man. Another married man. And yes she said he was just a friend. So I confronted him and he stopped talking to her. I asked him if his wife was talking to another man late at night after she told him she was going to bed, if he would be just a little upset. I told my wife I had talked to him. She was very Pissed at me. She said she'll never have friends again. Christmas came and went. Then new years. Got passed the anniversary of finding out. Got to the point of not thinking of the infidelity every day. Then every week. Then maybe once a month. In this time I got a new job with an old boss. Things were looking up. Got CPS called on us twice before school ended with the kids. Stupid principal doesn't like it if you call her out on her bullshit. Long story. Summer was fast. House was supposed to be tip top before school started, wasn't. Wife started looking for excuses not to be home. Kids were pretty much raising themselves. 4 out of 5 kids cut their feet on broken glass in the house during the summer, wife decides she needs to be home more. Tells her boss that she needs her hours cut down... Boss doesn't care. Keeps her at 70 hrs a week. I am talked into quitting for my wife by my wife. Talk to her boss quit for her. Her boss tells me that she asked for the hours because things at home are bad and she doesn't want to be home. Found it intriguing but still quit my wife. Noticed one man in particular keeps popping up on my wife's phone. Don't pay attention until a few weeks ago. Her sister mysteriously passes away in September. September wasn't a good month. It's now the anniversary of my sister in laws death the death of one of my twins the celebration of the surviving twin and my wife's birthday. Find out we are behind 2 months of mortgage. Two months on electricity, 3 months on gas, phone is getting cut off, insurance hasn't been paid. And I miss out on a week just to babysit my kids while my wife is out and about helping with her sisters funeral. Come home to a still dirty house, find out she moved in her coworker friend into our house with no agreement of pay or anything. Talk to the friend and ask her to help with whatever she can. Rarely does. Mainly sleeps or acts like a "cock block". acts as if she and my wife are dating. To the point where there is a lack of sex between the wife and I. Kids are back in school and the youngest starts too. House is completely empty after lunch. Wife decided she wanted to go back to work but only when kids are in school. She only works an average of 10 hours a week now. Doesn't seem to bother the wife that the house is still a mess. Clothes are piled up. Roaches and mice are now a problem. Three year old is having a bed wetting problem. So his bed smelled like urine for a weekend until I finally snap. But still after all that, things still haven't changed. Kids are now lazier than ever. She's talking to another "married" man. The man that kept popping up during the end of summer. So here's the passed weekend.
Saturday morning I grabbed her phone and looked at an app on. Her phone that she had me put on mine to block calls. It gives a breakdown of in/out calls and texts and puts them in to categories. I see that there are a shit load of texts and calls to this guy. Funny thing is, there aren't any calls or texts on the actual phone. She's been deleting them. I confronted her and she denied it. I showed her and still she denied it. I go back on the road for another week feeling very unstable. All the months passed, all the drama, the kids, bills, lack of participation with the fire department, all taking its toll on me emotionally. I wake up one morning thinking today's the day. I deleted all the pornographic material on my phone. Prayed for help. I never pray for myself. It's not a normal thing for me. I just feel selfish praying for myself. That day, electricity gets shut off, insurance still hasn't been paid. House is now 4 months behind, $3700 dollars to be exact. I only have pocket change in the account. And am now about to start making seasonal loads locally. I had a meeting with the fire department and learned that my title has been stripped from me since July. My house is still a mess. My wife is still hiding things from me. My kids do not listen. My mind is going crazy.
So here about an hour ago, her coworker friend, wakes me up and asks for a ride to work. I take her, get back into bed and try to snuggle with my wife. Can't! She pushes me away. I grabbed her phone to browse once again and realized she cleaned out the app. Now it only shows the calls made in the passed day. Bullshit I say! Now what to do. I can't go to sleep. I don't want to fight. And she's got the whole day to herself with no one to watch. She'll sleep all day and won't clean. Plus this guy will probably just come over and have his way with her while I kill myself trying to support this family.
I'm tired... Tired of everything!
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