brads suicide-18 months on 11/22/2010 vader

♦ it will be 18 months on the 22nd of November that myBrad took his life.It has been nothing but trauma for me and I cant seem to forget it.Finding him was the most and most horrible day of my life.Brad was dead when i found him.Brads death was bloody that is all I will say and the cats were next to him.My little cat Tooey was howling.And the other cat Kramer was screaming and they wouldnt let him alone.Kramer used to sleep with Brad every night and I figured that she was in mourning.Kramer has been very close to me and now she sleeps with me.The other cat Tooey died of a stroke in July and it has been so stressful.I had to sublet my house to pay for the rent.I cant dot it alone.And the roommate did not work out..she was a kook.And all of the time I think about Brad and what might have been.Brad and I were together for 12 years and some of them were stressful.He was a wonderful person.He did a lot for me and when he was sober...he was a wonderful person,.But in the past three years,Brad has changed and i had no place to go.He would have taken the cats and I wouldnt be able to live without them.He was all I had.And he knew it.I am determined to make the rest of my life without Brad liveable.I am going to sing again.And I am going to my high school reunion of 45 years in October of 2011.I will be in New York for one week and I intend to make it a very good vacation.I will never  find another man like Brad.ANd I never will.And the pain of his death is still and always will be with me and I still and I will always love him.I dont date anymore.I am 63 years old and I am too old to date and get married.I refuse to leave this house for anything or anyone.It is all I have and I intend to stay here until the owner sells.I love this house and it will always be in my heart.But the man who loved me and helped me with not be here.I love you Brad and you were the best.