brads death will be a year on may 22nd,2009

Brads sister is not speaking to me all because she wanted to know why she wasnt contacted.First of all she lives almost two hours away and Brad told me on various occassions if anything does happen,not to contact his family.Brad told me that he didnt want anything to do with his brothers and sisters.I think this is because of the will,but Brad got 9,500.00.Brads father wasnt rich at all and he died in the hospital.Brad was on unemployment yet he was mooching off his father.Brads father paid for the rent for almost two years and we would have fights about this and he told me to mind my business.Brads father was then only one who could sense into him.Brad was destroying himself with booze and Brads father knew it.He wanted Brad to get sober and he tried.Brad was in 12 rehabs and you think he would learn his lesson.He would get arrested for dui,do time in jail and then go to rehab.lThen he would sober up for one year and work for one year out of the union hall.I tried my best to make a home for Brad and I knew that his drinking was a problem.I took care of the house (or else) it would be a mess.I took care of the cats (or else) they would starve.I paid all of the bills(or else) he would be homeless and live in his car.Brad never liked to work and everyone knew it.He never had this atittude before but I think he was losing his mind and I couldnt save him.Brad would sover himself up and usually he was successful,but this time it was fatal to him and I couldnt help him at all.He turned against me and the house and cats;He didnt want to live here anymore.I had nowhere to go and the shelters here do not take animals and I was scared for my cats lives.To find his lifeless body has been a trauma for me.I basically have noone to talk to.The people in seattle are not the people in New York because noone here really talks to you.I attended several parties here and these people are hillbillys.They do not introduce themselves to you and totally ignore you the whole time.When they talk it is usally about their kids....(who cares) I want to hear about what you think of Obama health plan.I want to hear about the latest in the Courtney Love custody case.Ms.Love lost custody of her daughter by Kurt Cobain.The judge ruled that Ms.Love is an unfit parent.Frances is now living with her aunt up in Aberdeen.There are no pictures of her and she doesnt do interviews.But all I know is that Ms.LOve has a problem and it has never been addressed.As for Ms.Love...all I can say is that woman destroyed Kurt and his genius.All these greedy women usually end up good and in this case,Ms.Love took the cake.The hillbillys here do not talk and you dont know what they are thinking but here is an example of why people when they move here find out that the people in seattle are not the warm people as they are portrayed.For some reason,the people here do not trust outsiders.It is called the seattle mysterique and I am a victim of it and at 62,when it comes to  parties and all of that rot,I cant be bothered.I am not interested in going to peoples house nor do I like parties.The last party was a disaster for me because no one spoke to me.I went two weeks after Brads death in order to feel better and i ended up feeling worse.Towards the end of the party,a person came in that I havent seen in ten years.I was all in black and he asked me why.Then I told him thatBrad killed himself and he stood there speechless.He did not even say I am sorry,he stood there like a idiot.Couldnt he say I am sorry and leave me be? It was then when I said this a woman came over and asked me if there is anything she can do for me.I told her I didnt know her and it would be nice if she spoke to me when I first come in and I refuse to acknowledge this offer of kindness because she was rude to me and that includes her dizzy boyfriend.Men to me are just friends and thats what they will be .I have got no interest in having a boyfriend and that includes all of these romantic dinners and dances.I am not into romance.I am 62 and romance is out of the question.Can anyone just give me intelligent conversation? Can anyone today discuss what was on the news the night before? Can anyone here today discuss anything ? Must is always be the boyfriend or the kids? I am sorry.I dont know you boyfriend and I dont want to.I want someone to know how hurting I am,instead of someone who is always with a guy and their kids and ignore people who are the survivors of suicide and avoid us because they think we are responbile.No one knows why people committ suicide and if they did...the rate wouldnt go up every year.So lets have a little more compassion and let people what they are instead of what they should be.Brad was never what he wanted.People wanted him to do the im possible.I will always love Brad and I miss him.We were together for 12 years and I miss him and love Brad did a lot for me this year and this is why I cry every day because this loneliness I have over his death will never end.I will always look for the answers.