brads 50th and my time to survive.

On 2/18/2010..Brad would have been 50 and it was a a good day for me.I arose and i cried over the fact that this is his first birthday without a celebration.I was waiting for a message from stanley and it did not arrive.And it came on Friday and now I have got a little money.It will be hard for me without Brad as of now.He was always there and he always listened to me but when he was drinking he was a real bastard.Brad couldnt stay away from the booze and he knew it.He did not want to go.Brad regarded AA as being a bunch of losers.But excuse me,what was he? Look,I didnt ask him when he was 17 to get that girl pregnant.They were 17 and in the 1970s there were no options.What happened to Brad has happened to many girls who did not have the option of family planning.The only way she could have kept the baby was getting married.And noone got married at 17 in the 1970s.It was a time for dancing and educatiion.It was a time to discover yourself.Cathy chose to have the baby and give the baby up for adoption.She broke up with Brad and never saw him again.This is what Brad was going thru.Number one...if he had the money to find this kid...what kind of role model would he be? Where will this kid stay and i am not giving up my bed for him or anyone else! When he talked about this to me,he was always crying.He just was so hurt.But didnt Brads parents teach him self control? How many parents today are grandparents because they want to be there childrens friends? I am sorry being a friend doesnt cut it and it doesnt lead to a healthy relationship.My mother and I were not friends at all.In fact,,,i miss my father.I dont miss my mother.I miss my grandmother.My mother had a lot of problems and she couldnt cope with them.She was lonely like me and I have been lonely since I was 8...when she abandoned me.My mother preferred the boys and she made no bones aobout it.The boys.The boys.The boys.Were all she talked about.We are teaching children bad things.Such as sports.I am sorry but cheerleading wont get you a desk job at Charles Schwab..in fact..you will be lucky if
you get into the door.SO lets be an adult.I am a adult now and i happen to like it.