boy is this hard

things i have noticed:
this very stressful time ,another back surgery had pushed my family into crisis mode.
the more pills he takes the more negative and defiant he is
we are so sick of it all that no one even cares any more!
as much as i THINK i am guilty, and non-supportive, and the meanest bitch ever, i find that just walking away is the best thing.
the knot in my stomach disappears one block from my home.
great strides in my own recovery at a surprising time
my son is an amazing man!!!!! (although he did actually slap his dad yesterday in an act of desperate anger guilt grief etc.)
tomorrow i start formal therapy with a codependence therapist...its my turn