boy did I screw up

So I drank so much last night I have been sick all day.  I don't know why.  All day I have no desire, but then find myself drinking.  I know so much about alcohol abuse mentally, but cannot seem to know what triggers me.  I feel so ashamed.  I let my wife down, I let myself down, and I feel like such a failure.  I have been working for years on trying to wake up, to be aware to no avail.