Boundaries Research

From a commenter on the NYT Motherlode Blog: I think it was in a Ladies Home Journal article I read once that pointed out, if you have to ask your husband (or anyone) to do something, then you are technically still in charge of it, making it your responsibility and your burden to bear. In other words, even if your husband is doing it, it's still your responsibility.
Boundaries; What are they?A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others.Types of boundariesPhysicalEmotional SpiritualSexualRelationalBoundaries bring order to our lives. Boundaries empower us to determine how we'll be treated by others. With good boundaries, we can have the wonderful assurance that comes from knowing we can and will protect ourselves from the ignorance, meanness, or thoughtlessness of others.You have a limit to what is safe and appropriate. You have a border that separates you from others. As we learn to strengthen our boundaries, we gain a clearer sense of ourselves and our relationship to others. ----
Rules vs BoundariesThis is where a lot of people get confused.Basically rules are about someone else and boundaries are about us.An example might be:Rule:You may not use something of mine without permission.Boundary:If my things are used without permission, I will remove them from availability.Another example:Rule:You will not speak disrepectfully to me.Boundary:If I am spoken to disrefectfully, I will leave until the conversation can continue respectfully.Rules are made to be broken and there is always an exception to one. Boundaries are consistent always.Basically, rules are about the other person and attempts to control their actions; boundaries are only about us and what we will do if they are crossed.----
Boundaries without consequences is just nagging.
If you can't leave physically, leave emotionally (aka, detach).