Bound to end....

Sorry I have not update my journal in awhile.  I have been busy with my kids.  It felt so good to have them this summer.  Things between me and the kids are back to normal now.  I felt normal for the first time in a long, long time.  The kids were being kids, we had fun, we laugh and played.  We went swimming almost everyday.  My two year is swimming so good now.  It is amazing how fast she learns.  My son and I played alot of xbox together and talked alot. My oldest girl open up to me a bit and we spent alot of time talking books and watching movies.  We also got to spend alot of time with my parents, and the extended family.  I cooked for them everyday.  It was so much fun to have them with me, but now I am back to the empty, quiet space that I dread.  I know I was ment to be a dad and to do things with my kids and to care for them.  I know this for a fact because the silence strikes through my open weeping heart.  It brings back alot of painful memories like when my ex and I first split up.  I suppose it hurts so bad because I love my kids so much.  Tears are filling my eyes and a lump the size texas is in my throat.  My heart is still with my kids.  I can feel the great void in my chest were they belong.  I know that I survived a year without them but dont know how.  I have only been away from them for half and hour and I feel about as bad as I did last year.  It will be a couple of weeks before I get them again.  I know I will get them again but it still hurts.  It is good pain, because it reminds me how much I love them. I also know how much they love me.  I pray to God to keep them safe and remind them how much I love them.

Replies

kdMac
kdMac

Hey JoeTex... I am sorry you have to go through this... I honestly cannot imagine being away from my kids for any length of time.... but I am so happy for you that the time you do spend together is so positive and fun for all of you.... I guess the sadness you feel when they are not with you just means you\'re a caring and devoted father who would rather have his kids with him! Sending you huge hugs! You are in my thoughts! Karen
coffeevixen
coffeevixen

Hey Joe, its great to hear from you. I\'m sorry you are down about missing your kids. I wanted to suggest something to you. Try writing them letters or journaling to them. I sincerely think its one of the best gifts we can give to our children. I love to write and journal. Sometimes its once a day for me sometimes a few times over. I have my buggas with me still there are things I want to say to them that at this time especially my younger one is too young to understand yet. Even make lists of things you\'d like to do with your kids & get to it the next time ya\'ll are together. Even questions you\'ve been wanting to ask them. :)