Bored today
I felt totally bored today. I had no idea what to do. I was here on DS for a while, putzed around and read all my old Google Reader feeds, went to some old boards where I used to chat, and just nothing. I'm also mood swinging again, so I don't think that's a good thing. I've been getting mad at my cat, for example.
I also think I'm psychosomatic with mental illnesses. I was told I was bipolar, looked it up and I found I was bipolar. Same thing with Borderline PD and now schizophrenia. I have been having hallucinations for years now, but only lately has it been called schizo. My sister thought it could be schizoaffective bipolar disorder, but I don't know. I don't even know what my right diagnosis is. My sister said that every time I talk to her I try and convince her that I'm whatever diagnosis I'm supposed to be. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way, just pointing out the truth, but every time I get a new dx, I see how in my past I have acted that way for a long time. Confirmation bias maybe? I don't know.
I wish I could work that way with meds- just use the placebo effect and they work. Sadly, I've been on a ton of meds that haven't worked, and I think I have to add Risperdal to the list. It's giving me dreams that make me scared to sleep (but I do get good sleep) and I'm still paranoid and hallucinating. I need to make another appointment with my pdoc to see about getting my meds fixed. I will have to do that on Monday. I need to get my new health card in the mail, hopefully soon. I can see my doctor and everything fine without it, it just makes it easier to see the doctor if I have it. I need to make a bunch of appointments and make phone calls on Monday. I think my free health insurance runs out in June, so I have to get everything done I can before then.
I couldn't fall asleep last night. I had to take klonopin finally to get to sleep sometime after midnight. I tried taking a bath, too. When I first got in the bath I was ready to fall asleep, but when I got out I woke up again and couldn't sleep. I hope I can fall asleep tonight.
Food: I had a yogurt and some pasta for breakfast, some ramen for lunch and a chicken thigh and some noodles for dinner and ice cream for desert. I'm pretty sure I ate other things, but I can't remember. I think I need to start writing throughout the day to remember. I drank about 50 ounces of water. I need to be drinking more, but it's hard for me to drink it.
I also think I'm psychosomatic with mental illnesses. I was told I was bipolar, looked it up and I found I was bipolar. Same thing with Borderline PD and now schizophrenia. I have been having hallucinations for years now, but only lately has it been called schizo. My sister thought it could be schizoaffective bipolar disorder, but I don't know. I don't even know what my right diagnosis is. My sister said that every time I talk to her I try and convince her that I'm whatever diagnosis I'm supposed to be. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way, just pointing out the truth, but every time I get a new dx, I see how in my past I have acted that way for a long time. Confirmation bias maybe? I don't know.
I wish I could work that way with meds- just use the placebo effect and they work. Sadly, I've been on a ton of meds that haven't worked, and I think I have to add Risperdal to the list. It's giving me dreams that make me scared to sleep (but I do get good sleep) and I'm still paranoid and hallucinating. I need to make another appointment with my pdoc to see about getting my meds fixed. I will have to do that on Monday. I need to get my new health card in the mail, hopefully soon. I can see my doctor and everything fine without it, it just makes it easier to see the doctor if I have it. I need to make a bunch of appointments and make phone calls on Monday. I think my free health insurance runs out in June, so I have to get everything done I can before then.
I couldn't fall asleep last night. I had to take klonopin finally to get to sleep sometime after midnight. I tried taking a bath, too. When I first got in the bath I was ready to fall asleep, but when I got out I woke up again and couldn't sleep. I hope I can fall asleep tonight.
Food: I had a yogurt and some pasta for breakfast, some ramen for lunch and a chicken thigh and some noodles for dinner and ice cream for desert. I'm pretty sure I ate other things, but I can't remember. I think I need to start writing throughout the day to remember. I drank about 50 ounces of water. I need to be drinking more, but it's hard for me to drink it.
Replies
To often you read about a Dx and what the symptoms are and suddenly that is us. be careful with that self diagnosing, could lead to troubles down the road. I have been having problems falling to sleep lately too, could be something in the air. LOL
My problem is actually being diagnosed with something, and then fitting the symptoms, even if it\'s just the diagnosis du jour- a lot of the time pdocs will dx people with the same thing because it\'s just all the rage to dx someone, let\'s say, borderline. I don\'t know if I had BPD symptoms before I was dxed.