Bored today
I felt totally bored today. I had no idea what to do. I was here on DS for a while, putzed around and read all my old Google Reader feeds, went to some old boards where I used to chat, and just nothing. I'm also mood swinging again, so I don't think that's a good thing. I've been getting mad at my cat, for example.
I also think I'm psychosomatic with mental illnesses. I was told I was bipolar, looked it up and I found I was bipolar. Same thing with Borderline PD and now schizophrenia. I have been having hallucinations for years now, but only lately has it been called schizo. My sister thought it could be schizoaffective bipolar disorder, but I don't know. I don't even know what my right diagnosis is. My sister said that every time I talk to her I try and convince her that I'm whatever diagnosis I'm supposed to be. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way, just pointing out the truth, but every time I get a new dx, I see how in my past I have acted that way for a long time. Confirmation bias maybe? I don't know.
I wish I could work that way with meds- just use the placebo effect and they work. Sadly, I've been on a ton of meds that haven't worked, and I think I have to add Risperdal to the list. It's giving me dreams that make me scared to sleep (but I do get good sleep) and I'm still paranoid and hallucinating. I need to make another appointment with my pdoc to see about getting my meds fixed. I will have to do that on Monday. I need to get my new health card in the mail, hopefully soon. I can see my doctor and everything fine without it, it just makes it easier to see the doctor if I have it. I need to make a bunch of appointments and make phone calls on Monday. I think my free health insurance runs out in June, so I have to get everything done I can before then.
I couldn't fall asleep last night. I had to take klonopin finally to get to sleep sometime after midnight. I tried taking a bath, too. When I first got in the bath I was ready to fall asleep, but when I got out I woke up again and couldn't sleep. I hope I can fall asleep tonight.
Food: I had a yogurt and some pasta for breakfast, some ramen for lunch and a chicken thigh and some noodles for dinner and ice cream for desert. I'm pretty sure I ate other things, but I can't remember. I think I need to start writing throughout the day to remember. I drank about 50 ounces of water. I need to be drinking more, but it's hard for me to drink it.
I also think I'm psychosomatic with mental illnesses. I was told I was bipolar, looked it up and I found I was bipolar. Same thing with Borderline PD and now schizophrenia. I have been having hallucinations for years now, but only lately has it been called schizo. My sister thought it could be schizoaffective bipolar disorder, but I don't know. I don't even know what my right diagnosis is. My sister said that every time I talk to her I try and convince her that I'm whatever diagnosis I'm supposed to be. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way, just pointing out the truth, but every time I get a new dx, I see how in my past I have acted that way for a long time. Confirmation bias maybe? I don't know.
I wish I could work that way with meds- just use the placebo effect and they work. Sadly, I've been on a ton of meds that haven't worked, and I think I have to add Risperdal to the list. It's giving me dreams that make me scared to sleep (but I do get good sleep) and I'm still paranoid and hallucinating. I need to make another appointment with my pdoc to see about getting my meds fixed. I will have to do that on Monday. I need to get my new health card in the mail, hopefully soon. I can see my doctor and everything fine without it, it just makes it easier to see the doctor if I have it. I need to make a bunch of appointments and make phone calls on Monday. I think my free health insurance runs out in June, so I have to get everything done I can before then.
I couldn't fall asleep last night. I had to take klonopin finally to get to sleep sometime after midnight. I tried taking a bath, too. When I first got in the bath I was ready to fall asleep, but when I got out I woke up again and couldn't sleep. I hope I can fall asleep tonight.
Food: I had a yogurt and some pasta for breakfast, some ramen for lunch and a chicken thigh and some noodles for dinner and ice cream for desert. I'm pretty sure I ate other things, but I can't remember. I think I need to start writing throughout the day to remember. I drank about 50 ounces of water. I need to be drinking more, but it's hard for me to drink it.
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