Booked My Trip To Help My Son Move
She called me in and we say our hi’s. I sat down and asked her how she is. Good and me? Good. I told her pretty much right off the bat that I didn’t need to go to the bathroom now and I wanted to go walking because I want to do it later when I do need to go, too. She asked me where I wanted to go walking now. I wasn’t sure – either next door or out back. She asked me where I wanted to go walking when I needed to go? Out back because I’m not ready to go to the store needing to go yet.
She wanted to make sure we had enough time to have a success when I needed to go. That we should go about 15-20 minutes after we get back. I told her I wanted to have to go. She asked me how long I can wait from the time I needed to go. I said 5-10 minutes. She said something about the 5 minutes again. I think she thinks I’m starting at the 5 minute mark waiting as long as I can like we read not that long ago and talked about. And I think she thought it’ll take longer than 5 minutes to go outside and walk and maybe that I can’t wait longer than the 5 minutes. I told her I’ll tell her as soon as I need to go. OK, and she asked me if I had extra clothes with me. No. So she got my bag of extra clothes out of her drawer and gave them to me for later. I set them on the couch beside me.
So we left. I didn’t take the bag with me because I didn’t need to go. I had left it up to her as to where to go and she decided we’d go next door to the store. On the way we talked about the storms Saturday late afternoon. I asked her if she heard the tornado sirens. Yes. I said the little kids were scared. She thought they were with me – no with my daughter. They don’t have a basement. She remembered they don’t. We talked about going to the basement. She doesn’t go right away – she watches the weather on TV first.
So we got over to the store, walked in and walked toward the back isles. She said we’d just circle around. I thought we’d walk down an isle or two but she took us only to the top of the isles and then back towards the front of the store and out. I looked at the bakery counter to see what they had but I don’t think she did. I think she wanted to get out fast. I’m not sure why – I didn’t have to go to the bathroom. A guy asked us as we were leaving, “Nothing today ladies?” She said no and I think I did, too and we walked out. When we were outside I told her I don’t think we were in there long enough today. Yeah.
Instead of going back the front door she said that we’ll walk around to the back and go in the back door. I don’t think it was in case I’d have an accident not to be seen. I think to give me more practice of going out on the back parking lot where sometimes I do have accidents. Retracing my steps with a success. So that’s what we did. We continued talking about the tornado sirens. I said I was talking to a friend, my husband came to sit next to me on the window seat (in the front of my house) and we saw limbs blowing off and he left. I didn’t see anything so I thought it was OK, no need to worry about it. We came in, went back upstairs and back into her office. I don’t think we talked about much by then.
We sat down. She asked me how that was. Good. So she asked me what was going on otherwise. I told her about what happened with my son and husband after I had talked to her. I also told her how after I talked to her I talked to my husband but couldn’t pin point him down. I wanted him to tell me yes or no but he didn’t. I even told him what she said. She asked if he’s scared to. Probably. She asked if he’s scared I’ll be mad. Probably, but I did it in a good way. She said maybe from things in the past. I said I’ve gotten mad before but not that bad. I told her maybe something from his Mom because she was very overbearing.
I told her about my son and how he wasn’t always calling me back or going though an itinerary with me. I needed to do that to book so that the prices didn’t change and such. Finally I got him and we talked and planned it all out. I told her how she’s a Mom, too. How could I say no when he needs me? She listened. I said how he completely changed things with routes and I’m not going to be renting a car, doing that scenic drive or staying with my cousin 3 nights but we did it. I didn’t know if he just expected it to be done or not. But that night we even talked about getting along and having fun together. We are going up to that other big city so he can get his “little guys” (she laughed and totally understood) and spend a night or two there. I said that maybe she can suggest what to do later.
I called my son yesterday before I booked it and he wasn’t as nice. The more old impatient self he is. He’s only sending me the 200.00 for partial on the truck rental. She asked me if I booked it. Yes. She seemed happy for me. She said maybe my husband can go some time by himself. I said or I could go with him again. Yes. I even said how we both want to do that southern route, up the coast and then to the northern. I said how I worry about the money. That second is going to be more than my house is worth soon. But, no one knows what tomorrow will bring so you need to enjoy now – you can’t take it with you. She agreed. She also knows that I do want to go.
I told her how I need to work on both about my problem and my relationship with my son. She nodded. I told her that each trip I take is different and this one is really different. She nodded again. We know we have 2 weeks. I asked her if I can see her Monday and Tuesday of that week since I’m leaving Wednesday. Yes and she looked in her appointment book and we scheduled for the next 2 weeks and she wrote them down for me. That Tuesday she gave me 2 choices: 1:00 or 3:00 and I took the later.
She asked me if I’m going to be staying with him. Yes, with no furniture and maybe no heat. I said how I now have to be open to changes if we need to. The itinerary we have may change and that’s OK. Now I don’t have to worry about being somewhere on a certain date to rent a car. And he want to see this volcano. I called and talked to them and maybe not all the roads are open because they are still snow packed. I didn’t tell him that yet. I also told her about the heavy things he has to move. I have to be careful and she said he should respect that and to get someone to help. I said in the new town he won't know anyone.
I didn’t say but I know there’s a lot to talk about with so many facets and scenarios about this trip. Many different roll playings we can do and talk about along with if plan a doesn’t work, talk about plan b or c or d. We’ll just have to get to it one at a time. I can’t stress it. And, I hope I remember everything by the time it comes to going and being out there. Maybe we should write things down – don’t know. I know I’m going to ask for a letter and a phone call before I go. She does them great and they are very helpful to me. We can do that and the worry box the day before I leave on Tuesday. I’m just doing a little planning and thinking ahead.
I then told her about the mini trip my husband and I took on Friday when he had the day off. We couldn’t go up north because of the rain so we went south to a town (in another state) P,K that we’ve always want to go to. I asked her if she’s ever been there. She thinks she may have been through it. I told her it was a good trial, since it’s fresh in my mind, for this trip. It took 3 ½ hours to get there and we stopped 4 times. That’s just way too much. One time I didn’t need to go but I did anyway because we were there to get a drink.
She asked me if I had any accidents. No. But one time, she knows what happens sometimes, that I know I can’t make it in somewhere. She shook her head yes – she knew what I was going to say. I said how if I don’t go in the car I do as soon as I step out. I told my husband that he needs to just pull somewhere and that’s what I did. Coming home I think we only stopped 3 times but I wasn’t drinking that much. She listened.
So when we were done talking about these things it was between subjects. She told me she thinks we should go walking now. I told her I was OK, I didn’t need to go yet. I think she really wanted me to have a success so much she forgot I really wanted to do this needing to go. So we went on about other things. First I told her about my daughter and her tests. She has to have one Wednesday late afternoon that she has to lay for a couple hours. We will have our grandson with us. She’s doing these tests with ease and not the fear that I have. Wish I could be like that. I asked her what if you have to go to the bathroom during. She said you just don’t go.
I also talked about my new phone and how my middle son was just as frustrated and treated me like it was me – not very nice to me. I clarified it with him and she thought that was good but they all do it. My whole family puts me down and it’s not right – even this son who didn’t used to. She asked me if they do to each other. I didn’t know – I hadn’t paid attention. She said to observe that. She asked if they do the same to my husband. He would just brush it off. I am more sensitive but for a good reason. I even said something to my husband, in front of the others, when he was putting me down yesterday. But he’s like that. He puts even our friends down and I tell him not to do that. Maybe my kids are following along what he does. She seemed like she understood a little more.
Another thing we talked about was my granddaughter and how she just won’t leave me alone. Not just talking to me, following me around and just physically on me, hugging, in my face and such. It’s really bad and even my grandson says how she hogs me and his Mom. Once I did tell her I need my space. I asked her what I should do and I’m going through that time now that I don’t want to get anything before my trip – how I get about that. She said to give her what she needs and then tell her I need to do things. Towards the end of this conversation I needed to go to the bathroom so we didn’t get to elaborate on anything. As soon as I told her she said, “OK, let’s go!” She reminded me to take my bag and we left.
We walked out, her first again. She said hi to her next client lady and the massage therapist in the hallway and her next client husband in the waiting area. She told him she’ll see him soon. We walked out and she started heading towards down the hall and said we’d just walk around inside the building. I told her I wanted to go outside. We past the new tenants door. I had just asked her if she’s met them yet. No. She jiggled the knob to see if they were there. It wasn’t locked so she said they were. She said she should meet them because for some reason she’s been getting their mail. We wondered if was other countries adoptions or here in the US.
So we went back down the hall and toward the steps. I asked her where we were going. She said we’ll walk down and to the back door. I told her how I hate carrying my bag. She said it’s like real life. I’ll either have that or my purse and it may come in handy. I know what she meant but didn’t say – in case I had an accident and needed to cover. We walked down to the first level and to the door. When we got down on the landing are she looked at me and asked me how I was doing. Good. I told her I wanted to go outside. She said we will but just outside. So we did.
We walked up the steps onto the parking lot but the circle was very small that we walked. It wasn’t really a circle – just a line out and back – not very far at all. It was getting harder for me out there. I don’t think I talked. We were on our way back and I think I winced or something. She glanced at me. We were almost at the door. “You can do it,” she told me. She opened the back door for me, I went in and she told me to go and she’ll wait for me there. I did, went to the bathroom and came back out. She was on the bottom level, waiting, just looking down and looked like she was thinking.
We went back up the stairs together and she asked me how I did. Good. “Good, a success!” “Yes.” On the way back upstairs she told me about a show she watched last night – a Hoarding Show. She thinks it was on TLC or something. I told her I didn’t know they had a show about it. She said they have a psychologist and an organizer to help them. I told her I’ve seen it on other shows.
By then we were at the door to her office. She gestured for me to go in first, I think I did downstairs coming back inside too because she held the door open for me then. We went into the waiting area, past the next client man and back into her office. I think I get it better now. She goes ahead of me and I lag behind when I’ve had an accident so she doesn’t see anything for both our parts. But often today she let me go first but not in the store or leading to go around the back. She took the lead on those and upstairs and down the second time. It’s the opening of doors and letting me go in, in front of her when I haven’t had an accident. I hope I’m not talking in circles.
We sat down and she asked me how that was. Good. I went on to tell her that I didn’t know if I really needed to go badly by then but outside I started to get that panicky feeling. She wanted to know where outside – walking up the steps? No – out on the parking lot. She said she thought I was probably to my limit at that point. She could tell something was not just right and asked. I confessed that I peed just a little bit. She said that it still was a success. If that happens no one will know that I peed a little. Right.
So I went on to tell her that I’ve decided to stop the going every 45 minutes or an hour for now. Not before the trip. It trains my body that I’ll need to go that often and I just can’t do that with my son. Maybe later, after I get back I’ll do that again. What I’ve decided to do is wait as long as I can and just keep drinking more. She said yes, that’s what I need to do. She seemed very happy to hear me say that and said to get my bladder to expand and hold more and told me to keep doing the Kegels to strengthen those muscles. I agreed. I told her how I can’t do it all the time but I have to do it as much as I can. I can do it at home, I can do it with her but I have to be careful when I’m out. She looked like she understood.
At some point she talked about waiting for 5 minutes. Then I said the next time 6, the next 7,8,9, 10 and so on. I think it was referring to practicing with her. She nodded. She knows I want to keep increasing my wait time. When I said about going back to what the doctor said – that training method she told me to do – she said no. Just keep doing what I’m doing. She said that increasing it 15 minutes every week and the doctor was wanting to get me up to 3 hours. Yes – I know! She alluded that that’s not going to work for me and the doctor doesn’t know the severity of it. I did tell her it was nice when I was doing that and not drinking very much. Very nice. She said it wasn’t good at all and not helping me. I need to be drinking a lot of water to help this. I know.
Then we talked about how sometimes I’ll be driving my son’s car and he’ll be driving the truck. Sometimes we’ll be in the same car. But we didn’t get to that – maybe next time I’m thinking. I told her how I can’t stop that many times. He knows I stop a lot but I tell him I’m very quick. She said that I’ll have to stop 3 times to his 1 and he’s not going to like that and may yell at me – will yell at me. We know my son. I nodded.
She said what I need to do to tell him I’ll meet him at a certain place. I questioned it. She said it will also make me face my fear of separation. I said he’ll know what I’m doing and what if he wants to stay together for me to watch the truck. She didn’t think so – especially knowing him! I also mentioned about not being able to use cell phones while driving in that state but we both said how if no one is around, in the middle of nowhere, it would be OK. I guess I can just stop and go like I sometimes have to do and he won’t know. She really didn’t say anything on that one. We said how we can do that out in the middle of nowhere but not in the big city. I guess we’ll get to that one another time, too. And, I’m still not 100% this will work or my son will go for it but I didn’t tell her that directly.
So we talked about looking at a map at stops. She said maybe I can bring one in next time. I told her I’ll probably go to Borders and get a real map. Those ones in the books they give you are really bad. She said about AAA. I said maybe my daughter’s boyfriend could get me one. She thinks you can just get them but it was like a stab in the dark for her because she didn’t know locations or anything. I also told her that he said when we get back and if he has to work he’ll let me use his car to go to the little towns. She knows me – I can’t sit and do nothing! Like when I visited my Aunt once and was so bored. She just listened.
So it was time to go. We ended and I reminded her that bag of mine was for her. I didn’t say but I wanted her to put it away and out of site before her next clients come in. I left and went into my massage therapist. That lady was talking to the younger therapist there (just exchanged quick hi’s – the younger therapist & I) and went into her office after getting her mail. I told my massage therapist that they must know each other. She said yes. I didn’t say but she’s very “chummy” and seems physically close with her, too. Maybe friends, neighbors, relatives? Don’t know.
I told my massage therapist I just booked my trip last night. I was really tight when I got there and she had to get me to really relax. She told me what to do on the long car trip, too. Breathe & relax and after to lay with a towel rolled up under my neck. So that’s it for today. I just need to work hard with her on these things. I will – I can do it. She’s been nicer these last 2 times since I told her (on a message) I can feel that something’s just not right between us. But no discussions on that. Maybe it was just something with her. I’m greatfull things are better and hope they stay that way. But when I’m working on this with her I just have to remember to stay away from the denials and the too much confidences (2 ends of the spectrum). I need to stay with the reality of it all.
She wanted to make sure we had enough time to have a success when I needed to go. That we should go about 15-20 minutes after we get back. I told her I wanted to have to go. She asked me how long I can wait from the time I needed to go. I said 5-10 minutes. She said something about the 5 minutes again. I think she thinks I’m starting at the 5 minute mark waiting as long as I can like we read not that long ago and talked about. And I think she thought it’ll take longer than 5 minutes to go outside and walk and maybe that I can’t wait longer than the 5 minutes. I told her I’ll tell her as soon as I need to go. OK, and she asked me if I had extra clothes with me. No. So she got my bag of extra clothes out of her drawer and gave them to me for later. I set them on the couch beside me.
So we left. I didn’t take the bag with me because I didn’t need to go. I had left it up to her as to where to go and she decided we’d go next door to the store. On the way we talked about the storms Saturday late afternoon. I asked her if she heard the tornado sirens. Yes. I said the little kids were scared. She thought they were with me – no with my daughter. They don’t have a basement. She remembered they don’t. We talked about going to the basement. She doesn’t go right away – she watches the weather on TV first.
So we got over to the store, walked in and walked toward the back isles. She said we’d just circle around. I thought we’d walk down an isle or two but she took us only to the top of the isles and then back towards the front of the store and out. I looked at the bakery counter to see what they had but I don’t think she did. I think she wanted to get out fast. I’m not sure why – I didn’t have to go to the bathroom. A guy asked us as we were leaving, “Nothing today ladies?” She said no and I think I did, too and we walked out. When we were outside I told her I don’t think we were in there long enough today. Yeah.
Instead of going back the front door she said that we’ll walk around to the back and go in the back door. I don’t think it was in case I’d have an accident not to be seen. I think to give me more practice of going out on the back parking lot where sometimes I do have accidents. Retracing my steps with a success. So that’s what we did. We continued talking about the tornado sirens. I said I was talking to a friend, my husband came to sit next to me on the window seat (in the front of my house) and we saw limbs blowing off and he left. I didn’t see anything so I thought it was OK, no need to worry about it. We came in, went back upstairs and back into her office. I don’t think we talked about much by then.
We sat down. She asked me how that was. Good. So she asked me what was going on otherwise. I told her about what happened with my son and husband after I had talked to her. I also told her how after I talked to her I talked to my husband but couldn’t pin point him down. I wanted him to tell me yes or no but he didn’t. I even told him what she said. She asked if he’s scared to. Probably. She asked if he’s scared I’ll be mad. Probably, but I did it in a good way. She said maybe from things in the past. I said I’ve gotten mad before but not that bad. I told her maybe something from his Mom because she was very overbearing.
I told her about my son and how he wasn’t always calling me back or going though an itinerary with me. I needed to do that to book so that the prices didn’t change and such. Finally I got him and we talked and planned it all out. I told her how she’s a Mom, too. How could I say no when he needs me? She listened. I said how he completely changed things with routes and I’m not going to be renting a car, doing that scenic drive or staying with my cousin 3 nights but we did it. I didn’t know if he just expected it to be done or not. But that night we even talked about getting along and having fun together. We are going up to that other big city so he can get his “little guys” (she laughed and totally understood) and spend a night or two there. I said that maybe she can suggest what to do later.
I called my son yesterday before I booked it and he wasn’t as nice. The more old impatient self he is. He’s only sending me the 200.00 for partial on the truck rental. She asked me if I booked it. Yes. She seemed happy for me. She said maybe my husband can go some time by himself. I said or I could go with him again. Yes. I even said how we both want to do that southern route, up the coast and then to the northern. I said how I worry about the money. That second is going to be more than my house is worth soon. But, no one knows what tomorrow will bring so you need to enjoy now – you can’t take it with you. She agreed. She also knows that I do want to go.
I told her how I need to work on both about my problem and my relationship with my son. She nodded. I told her that each trip I take is different and this one is really different. She nodded again. We know we have 2 weeks. I asked her if I can see her Monday and Tuesday of that week since I’m leaving Wednesday. Yes and she looked in her appointment book and we scheduled for the next 2 weeks and she wrote them down for me. That Tuesday she gave me 2 choices: 1:00 or 3:00 and I took the later.
She asked me if I’m going to be staying with him. Yes, with no furniture and maybe no heat. I said how I now have to be open to changes if we need to. The itinerary we have may change and that’s OK. Now I don’t have to worry about being somewhere on a certain date to rent a car. And he want to see this volcano. I called and talked to them and maybe not all the roads are open because they are still snow packed. I didn’t tell him that yet. I also told her about the heavy things he has to move. I have to be careful and she said he should respect that and to get someone to help. I said in the new town he won't know anyone.
I didn’t say but I know there’s a lot to talk about with so many facets and scenarios about this trip. Many different roll playings we can do and talk about along with if plan a doesn’t work, talk about plan b or c or d. We’ll just have to get to it one at a time. I can’t stress it. And, I hope I remember everything by the time it comes to going and being out there. Maybe we should write things down – don’t know. I know I’m going to ask for a letter and a phone call before I go. She does them great and they are very helpful to me. We can do that and the worry box the day before I leave on Tuesday. I’m just doing a little planning and thinking ahead.
I then told her about the mini trip my husband and I took on Friday when he had the day off. We couldn’t go up north because of the rain so we went south to a town (in another state) P,K that we’ve always want to go to. I asked her if she’s ever been there. She thinks she may have been through it. I told her it was a good trial, since it’s fresh in my mind, for this trip. It took 3 ½ hours to get there and we stopped 4 times. That’s just way too much. One time I didn’t need to go but I did anyway because we were there to get a drink.
She asked me if I had any accidents. No. But one time, she knows what happens sometimes, that I know I can’t make it in somewhere. She shook her head yes – she knew what I was going to say. I said how if I don’t go in the car I do as soon as I step out. I told my husband that he needs to just pull somewhere and that’s what I did. Coming home I think we only stopped 3 times but I wasn’t drinking that much. She listened.
So when we were done talking about these things it was between subjects. She told me she thinks we should go walking now. I told her I was OK, I didn’t need to go yet. I think she really wanted me to have a success so much she forgot I really wanted to do this needing to go. So we went on about other things. First I told her about my daughter and her tests. She has to have one Wednesday late afternoon that she has to lay for a couple hours. We will have our grandson with us. She’s doing these tests with ease and not the fear that I have. Wish I could be like that. I asked her what if you have to go to the bathroom during. She said you just don’t go.
I also talked about my new phone and how my middle son was just as frustrated and treated me like it was me – not very nice to me. I clarified it with him and she thought that was good but they all do it. My whole family puts me down and it’s not right – even this son who didn’t used to. She asked me if they do to each other. I didn’t know – I hadn’t paid attention. She said to observe that. She asked if they do the same to my husband. He would just brush it off. I am more sensitive but for a good reason. I even said something to my husband, in front of the others, when he was putting me down yesterday. But he’s like that. He puts even our friends down and I tell him not to do that. Maybe my kids are following along what he does. She seemed like she understood a little more.
Another thing we talked about was my granddaughter and how she just won’t leave me alone. Not just talking to me, following me around and just physically on me, hugging, in my face and such. It’s really bad and even my grandson says how she hogs me and his Mom. Once I did tell her I need my space. I asked her what I should do and I’m going through that time now that I don’t want to get anything before my trip – how I get about that. She said to give her what she needs and then tell her I need to do things. Towards the end of this conversation I needed to go to the bathroom so we didn’t get to elaborate on anything. As soon as I told her she said, “OK, let’s go!” She reminded me to take my bag and we left.
We walked out, her first again. She said hi to her next client lady and the massage therapist in the hallway and her next client husband in the waiting area. She told him she’ll see him soon. We walked out and she started heading towards down the hall and said we’d just walk around inside the building. I told her I wanted to go outside. We past the new tenants door. I had just asked her if she’s met them yet. No. She jiggled the knob to see if they were there. It wasn’t locked so she said they were. She said she should meet them because for some reason she’s been getting their mail. We wondered if was other countries adoptions or here in the US.
So we went back down the hall and toward the steps. I asked her where we were going. She said we’ll walk down and to the back door. I told her how I hate carrying my bag. She said it’s like real life. I’ll either have that or my purse and it may come in handy. I know what she meant but didn’t say – in case I had an accident and needed to cover. We walked down to the first level and to the door. When we got down on the landing are she looked at me and asked me how I was doing. Good. I told her I wanted to go outside. She said we will but just outside. So we did.
We walked up the steps onto the parking lot but the circle was very small that we walked. It wasn’t really a circle – just a line out and back – not very far at all. It was getting harder for me out there. I don’t think I talked. We were on our way back and I think I winced or something. She glanced at me. We were almost at the door. “You can do it,” she told me. She opened the back door for me, I went in and she told me to go and she’ll wait for me there. I did, went to the bathroom and came back out. She was on the bottom level, waiting, just looking down and looked like she was thinking.
We went back up the stairs together and she asked me how I did. Good. “Good, a success!” “Yes.” On the way back upstairs she told me about a show she watched last night – a Hoarding Show. She thinks it was on TLC or something. I told her I didn’t know they had a show about it. She said they have a psychologist and an organizer to help them. I told her I’ve seen it on other shows.
By then we were at the door to her office. She gestured for me to go in first, I think I did downstairs coming back inside too because she held the door open for me then. We went into the waiting area, past the next client man and back into her office. I think I get it better now. She goes ahead of me and I lag behind when I’ve had an accident so she doesn’t see anything for both our parts. But often today she let me go first but not in the store or leading to go around the back. She took the lead on those and upstairs and down the second time. It’s the opening of doors and letting me go in, in front of her when I haven’t had an accident. I hope I’m not talking in circles.
We sat down and she asked me how that was. Good. I went on to tell her that I didn’t know if I really needed to go badly by then but outside I started to get that panicky feeling. She wanted to know where outside – walking up the steps? No – out on the parking lot. She said she thought I was probably to my limit at that point. She could tell something was not just right and asked. I confessed that I peed just a little bit. She said that it still was a success. If that happens no one will know that I peed a little. Right.
So I went on to tell her that I’ve decided to stop the going every 45 minutes or an hour for now. Not before the trip. It trains my body that I’ll need to go that often and I just can’t do that with my son. Maybe later, after I get back I’ll do that again. What I’ve decided to do is wait as long as I can and just keep drinking more. She said yes, that’s what I need to do. She seemed very happy to hear me say that and said to get my bladder to expand and hold more and told me to keep doing the Kegels to strengthen those muscles. I agreed. I told her how I can’t do it all the time but I have to do it as much as I can. I can do it at home, I can do it with her but I have to be careful when I’m out. She looked like she understood.
At some point she talked about waiting for 5 minutes. Then I said the next time 6, the next 7,8,9, 10 and so on. I think it was referring to practicing with her. She nodded. She knows I want to keep increasing my wait time. When I said about going back to what the doctor said – that training method she told me to do – she said no. Just keep doing what I’m doing. She said that increasing it 15 minutes every week and the doctor was wanting to get me up to 3 hours. Yes – I know! She alluded that that’s not going to work for me and the doctor doesn’t know the severity of it. I did tell her it was nice when I was doing that and not drinking very much. Very nice. She said it wasn’t good at all and not helping me. I need to be drinking a lot of water to help this. I know.
Then we talked about how sometimes I’ll be driving my son’s car and he’ll be driving the truck. Sometimes we’ll be in the same car. But we didn’t get to that – maybe next time I’m thinking. I told her how I can’t stop that many times. He knows I stop a lot but I tell him I’m very quick. She said that I’ll have to stop 3 times to his 1 and he’s not going to like that and may yell at me – will yell at me. We know my son. I nodded.
She said what I need to do to tell him I’ll meet him at a certain place. I questioned it. She said it will also make me face my fear of separation. I said he’ll know what I’m doing and what if he wants to stay together for me to watch the truck. She didn’t think so – especially knowing him! I also mentioned about not being able to use cell phones while driving in that state but we both said how if no one is around, in the middle of nowhere, it would be OK. I guess I can just stop and go like I sometimes have to do and he won’t know. She really didn’t say anything on that one. We said how we can do that out in the middle of nowhere but not in the big city. I guess we’ll get to that one another time, too. And, I’m still not 100% this will work or my son will go for it but I didn’t tell her that directly.
So we talked about looking at a map at stops. She said maybe I can bring one in next time. I told her I’ll probably go to Borders and get a real map. Those ones in the books they give you are really bad. She said about AAA. I said maybe my daughter’s boyfriend could get me one. She thinks you can just get them but it was like a stab in the dark for her because she didn’t know locations or anything. I also told her that he said when we get back and if he has to work he’ll let me use his car to go to the little towns. She knows me – I can’t sit and do nothing! Like when I visited my Aunt once and was so bored. She just listened.
So it was time to go. We ended and I reminded her that bag of mine was for her. I didn’t say but I wanted her to put it away and out of site before her next clients come in. I left and went into my massage therapist. That lady was talking to the younger therapist there (just exchanged quick hi’s – the younger therapist & I) and went into her office after getting her mail. I told my massage therapist that they must know each other. She said yes. I didn’t say but she’s very “chummy” and seems physically close with her, too. Maybe friends, neighbors, relatives? Don’t know.
I told my massage therapist I just booked my trip last night. I was really tight when I got there and she had to get me to really relax. She told me what to do on the long car trip, too. Breathe & relax and after to lay with a towel rolled up under my neck. So that’s it for today. I just need to work hard with her on these things. I will – I can do it. She’s been nicer these last 2 times since I told her (on a message) I can feel that something’s just not right between us. But no discussions on that. Maybe it was just something with her. I’m greatfull things are better and hope they stay that way. But when I’m working on this with her I just have to remember to stay away from the denials and the too much confidences (2 ends of the spectrum). I need to stay with the reality of it all.
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