Book "The verbally abusive relationship"
Quote from the book: "The verbal abuser who chooses to withhold will respond to requests for communication with :
1. "Theres nothing to talk about"
2. "What do you want me to say?"
3. "What are you complaining about; I do talk to you"
4. "You never let me talk"
5. "Why should I tell you if I like it; you'll do what you want anyway"
6. "You wouldn't be interested"
This is lack of intimacy which is supposed to be there between two people in a relationship. I can't count the times these words came out of his mouth over the years. Every time I tried to talk to him that is what it was like.
Countering:
Prevents all possibility of discussion, it consistantly denies the victim's reality. Not accepting my view of a situation. "Thats not how it was" "That is what I said" "
Discounting:
Discounts his partners experience and feelings as if they were worth nothing:
1. "Your too sensistive"
2. "Your jumping to conclusions"
3. "You can't take a joke"
4. "You blow everything out of proportion"
5. "Your making a big deal out of nothing"
6. "You take things too seriously"
7. "You don't know what your talking about"
8. "You always complain"
9. "Your trying to start something"
10. "You think you know it all"
Oh my gosh he said all these things every time i tried to talk about an experience or something that hurt me.
11. "You take everything wrong"
12. "You read things into my words"
13. "You just want to fight"
Blocking and Diverting
1. "You know what I meant!"
2. "You had your turn it's my turn to talk"
3. "I dont see where this is going! I'm outta here"
4. "Quit bitching" or "Na na na naaaa! Chingata!"
5. "The only reason I am here it to pay the bills"
6. "I'm sick of this shit!"
Chaging the topic by diverting the topic!!! Yep yep yep all the time!
Judging and Criticizing
"You can't take a joke'
'your crazy"
"You forget everything"
No recognition for any of my accomplishments like I was so happy about getting my degree -he said nothing...
Threatening
"do what he wants or he leaves or gets angry"
forgetting he forgot for months to get his marriage certificate that we needed for him to keep his promise of getting me back that I don't want to live that way anymore unless I'm married. He got me back saying I love you I want to marry you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you but once he was back he did everything but what he needed to after work everyday. Instead he went his brother, sisters, friends, etc... he found time to do everything else but that one paper we needed..... six months later I give up!!! (Broke up for a week and a half now).
Denial
"I never said that"
"your making that up"
"we never had that conversation"
"Your getting upset about nothing"
"you've got to be crazy"
So many times too!
1. "Theres nothing to talk about"
2. "What do you want me to say?"
3. "What are you complaining about; I do talk to you"
4. "You never let me talk"
5. "Why should I tell you if I like it; you'll do what you want anyway"
6. "You wouldn't be interested"
This is lack of intimacy which is supposed to be there between two people in a relationship. I can't count the times these words came out of his mouth over the years. Every time I tried to talk to him that is what it was like.
Countering:
Prevents all possibility of discussion, it consistantly denies the victim's reality. Not accepting my view of a situation. "Thats not how it was" "That is what I said" "
Discounting:
Discounts his partners experience and feelings as if they were worth nothing:
1. "Your too sensistive"
2. "Your jumping to conclusions"
3. "You can't take a joke"
4. "You blow everything out of proportion"
5. "Your making a big deal out of nothing"
6. "You take things too seriously"
7. "You don't know what your talking about"
8. "You always complain"
9. "Your trying to start something"
10. "You think you know it all"
Oh my gosh he said all these things every time i tried to talk about an experience or something that hurt me.
11. "You take everything wrong"
12. "You read things into my words"
13. "You just want to fight"
Blocking and Diverting
1. "You know what I meant!"
2. "You had your turn it's my turn to talk"
3. "I dont see where this is going! I'm outta here"
4. "Quit bitching" or "Na na na naaaa! Chingata!"
5. "The only reason I am here it to pay the bills"
6. "I'm sick of this shit!"
Chaging the topic by diverting the topic!!! Yep yep yep all the time!
Judging and Criticizing
"You can't take a joke'
'your crazy"
"You forget everything"
No recognition for any of my accomplishments like I was so happy about getting my degree -he said nothing...
Threatening
"do what he wants or he leaves or gets angry"
forgetting he forgot for months to get his marriage certificate that we needed for him to keep his promise of getting me back that I don't want to live that way anymore unless I'm married. He got me back saying I love you I want to marry you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you but once he was back he did everything but what he needed to after work everyday. Instead he went his brother, sisters, friends, etc... he found time to do everything else but that one paper we needed..... six months later I give up!!! (Broke up for a week and a half now).
Denial
"I never said that"
"your making that up"
"we never had that conversation"
"Your getting upset about nothing"
"you've got to be crazy"
So many times too!
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