Books

Today I ordered Women Who Love Too Much and Obsessive Love.

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solo60
solo60

I\'m starting to tell myself that maybe he is not healthy for me instead of telling myself that I would do anything for him. I know that no matter who he is with, he won\'t have any more, and probably a lot less than he had with me. I was willing to work through his problems. Most people wouldn\'t bother but he will spend a year manipulating them into believing that he is different and then his true self comes forth. He is not willing to confront his demons so the cycle will continue...probably til he dies, or kills himself. I have to force myself to think of something else. My daughter will be like me, won\'t she? I have been the only example she has had. In fact , it may be too late. She has had the same kind of relationship I\'ve had.
solo60
solo60

It has taken me almost two years to be able to determine what it is that he will define as \"confrontation.\" I am \"sooo confrontational\", according to him. This has become his big excuse to distance. Last night I finally made the discovery. I am \"confrontational\" any time I disagree with him. No matter how big or small the issue, if I disagree I am confrontational. He draws a line, the conversation ends, and he will often get up and leave. Naturally, nothing much ever gets resolved. I have spent oodles of hours puzzling over this question. Was it my tone of voice, my body language, my Irish temper, my directness, what? I was overcomplicating the issue. After the answer became obvious I couldn\'t believe how simple the answer was. This person has, I\'m almost sure, been in anger management class. I\'m thinking that this is one of the strategies they suggested to control his anger...just get up and leave. It\'s better than getting slammed in the jaw but it means that I have to come at a problem in a back door way and boy, timing is everything. I want to explore my conclusion with him. Probably won\'t happen.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i dont think its you thats overly confrontational, more like your fella cannot deal with confrontation in any shape or form. The problem is his to rectify. x
solo60
solo60

Anytime he and I don\'t agree on something and I attempt to give my opinion, he interperts that as being confrontational. I think he feels that I am trying to FORCE him to see or do things my way. That is not my intention at all. I just have never been one to sit back and not speak my mind.Besides, people sharing their ideas and differences is part of adult conversation. I know that this was never allowed in his childhood so he only has that as his point of reference. He had been married for thirty some years...divorced...I\'m guessing but I\'d say the pattern was the same in that household too. I\'m Scots/Irish. It\'s part of my genetic component. LOL There is something that triggers a defensive posture in him. The only thing I\'ve been able to pinpoint is the simple fact that I am disagreeing with something he says. As soon as I take a position, he gives me this palms up, stop...gets up, starts to leave shit which is just like saying that my opinion doesn\'t matter. He doesn\'t want to hear it. That\'s where we get into trouble every time. I don\'t see why he has made this an issue. It doesn\'t happen that often. The only conclusion I can come to is that he has to have some excuse to distance. That\'s the only one he can find.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think you are spot on when you say he gets up and leaves because he is looing for an excuse to distance. Mine does that all the time. I would bet my last pound coin that if you didnt respond he would only throw something else into the mix to cause an argument. He would argue that the grass is blue just to find an excuse xxxx