Body image

My body image issues seem to be getting worse and worse. I've been gaining weight, which, you know, sucks. It's summer. I want to swim with my friends. I want to be able to go outside and feel confident. But instead I am stuck staring at a closet of clothes that used to fit. Saying I can't go out. Avoiding everyone.
I've never been this heavy before. I don't know what to do. I can't go back to starving myself, that just drove me insane... but nothing is working right now. And how am I supposed to get jobs like this? I won't. No one will hire a fat girl to play any part that I want. It literally brings me to tears knowing that I'm not all I can be...
And then there's the teeth. My crooked teeth. I have retainers to move them, but the company never delivered my last set so I'm stuck with what I've got until I can pay for the missing retainers myself. I just want a pretty smile, is all/:
Then lastly is the hair. The hair that no longer curls. I can't wear it down because I pulled it all out in the back. It has grown back tremendously, though. I'm just waiting for it to get longer. But waiting for hair to grow is... well, it's awful.
I just wish I could fix it, all of it overnight. Everything would be better. Well, maybe not everything, but a lot would change if I just lost 20 pounds, had straight teeth and my hair was all one length. But there is no pill or magic spell... I have to work for it and wait for that work to pay off.
I don't know, I guess it's just one of those nights...