body image
ugh today the body image crap is popping up. I have a hip injury and can't run so I feel like I'm gaining weight. The past few days have gone well where my thoughts have been positive. I kept saying to myself "I accept my body exactly the way it is now" or "my weight has nothing to do with my self worth." Today I feel gross. I'm trying to just sit with it and let it pass but as a bulimic or anyone with an ED, it's not easy. I used to dream of looking like a skeleton. I don't really now but the desire to lose weight is strong today. There must be something else bugging me. I remember the last time I was unemployed and being a stay at home mom, the depression came up a little bit. I think I've been out of touch for so long, that it takes a while for me to even connect to my feelings. It's probably also the lack of contact with other humans during the day too. I get into my comfort zone when I'm home. The ED loves to isolate. I'm so sick of the perfectionist thinking. Everything is black or white. Even with cleaning. It all has to get done now and nothing can be out of place. It's exhausting. It's ok that the house isn't perfect. I'm not a bad person because all of the laundry isn't put away. Gotta work on self compassion.
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Isolation can really get to you. And then it can become a vicious cycle - ED behaviours crop up BECAUSE you\'re isolating yourself and then the next thing you know you are isolating yourself BECAUSE your ED behaviours are flaring up. I won\'t let myself slide into the isolation trap. It\'s very destructive for me. I really love people anyway (most times....lol) so it isn\'t too hard but my circumstances are different than yours.
Do what you can and keep it up with your positive self-talk - that helps a lot too.
I found out by stepping on the scale (remember....I told you I rarely do that) and discovered I had gained 10 pounds. Didn\'t get freaked out by it or anything - just set up a goal for myself and I will work healthily toward getting that off. If it takes longer than I anticipate, that\'s ok too. It\'s all mind games with ourselves, isn\'t it??? lol