Bluesday
Dearest,
Back to work today {sigh}, I think I hate going to work. I need to be retrained, I even forgot the password for my phone, how embarrassing. It was so tiring, In some ways I feel that I accomplish more just sitting around the shanty. Someone suggested that I write at a more elementary level to enhance the general understanding of my posts to you. I do not think that I can do that. I think it would cramp my style. I can not write that way. I can not do it! It is bad enough that I type like a monkey with a stick. it is bad enough that I can not spel. I know if you were reading this you'd be laughing. That was, as I know you know, the point.
(Abigail edited a number of childrens' books, we are of different philosophies on the subject. My position is that they should be simple enough to be understood but not so simple as not to be challenging. ( Ha! parse that sentence structure!) If the books don't make them ask questions and look up words they're not challenging enough.)
I am doing some better the last few days. I do find myself slipping into inane reveries. Questioning every thing, even what I am doing at the moment. This is probably the silliest post I have ever done for you. Or am I doing it for me? I think that I might be doing more and more things just for me. Is that wrong? You're not here anymore. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, tired of crying, tired of feeling bad. No matter how good I feel though there is a part of me that is still sad. It's something that I carry around with me, something that is now a part of me, I guess forever. You used to tell me that I was sad underneath. Now I really am, it's like gravity, can't see it, can't smell it, can't get away from it. Have to go to work again tomorrow too. Can you imagine? Like one day of that isn't enough.
Till Tomorrow's Tragedy, Your Ken
Back to work today {sigh}, I think I hate going to work. I need to be retrained, I even forgot the password for my phone, how embarrassing. It was so tiring, In some ways I feel that I accomplish more just sitting around the shanty. Someone suggested that I write at a more elementary level to enhance the general understanding of my posts to you. I do not think that I can do that. I think it would cramp my style. I can not write that way. I can not do it! It is bad enough that I type like a monkey with a stick. it is bad enough that I can not spel. I know if you were reading this you'd be laughing. That was, as I know you know, the point.
(Abigail edited a number of childrens' books, we are of different philosophies on the subject. My position is that they should be simple enough to be understood but not so simple as not to be challenging. ( Ha! parse that sentence structure!) If the books don't make them ask questions and look up words they're not challenging enough.)
I am doing some better the last few days. I do find myself slipping into inane reveries. Questioning every thing, even what I am doing at the moment. This is probably the silliest post I have ever done for you. Or am I doing it for me? I think that I might be doing more and more things just for me. Is that wrong? You're not here anymore. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, tired of crying, tired of feeling bad. No matter how good I feel though there is a part of me that is still sad. It's something that I carry around with me, something that is now a part of me, I guess forever. You used to tell me that I was sad underneath. Now I really am, it's like gravity, can't see it, can't smell it, can't get away from it. Have to go to work again tomorrow too. Can you imagine? Like one day of that isn't enough.
Till Tomorrow's Tragedy, Your Ken
Replies
Ken-What you are doing is just right and yes the sadness is another part of you now-and so are a lot of other things. In time, you will find them.-Hug,Love&(you know what...)Prayer-Pam
Ken, you\'re doing great, you keep us informed and interested in what you have to say...I think being sad is part of our lives now, forever...just we won\'t be sad all the time, just some of the time, it will take time to get to that point but I know when my daughter died, it took time but I got there. Hugs, Sandi
Ken,
Who in the world asked you to dumb down? I love your writing. As to doing more for you... that\'s called healing! And yes, I do believe that we will carry a bit of sadness with us for the rest of our lives. But I also believe that the sadness, rather than a rock, becomes a bit like a feather... a little lighter, a little easier to carry around.
Blessings,
Linda
Ken,
Great journal entry. I enjoy your posts. and I do seem to think you will start to do more and more for yourself.... and that is how it should be. I think that is part of the grief / healing process.
Hugs & Blessings, Linda
Ken,
Remember I said you could....but please not to. No need to analyze....it was fine........now the spel....got that joke......some better....aren\'t you a little far north for that colloquialism. Crank it back up.
I think the realization that one is tired of the negative aspects of the journey is a turning point of sorts. Time to be less introspective and more extrospective......
Please Please Please don\'t dumb down your posts they are my inspiration and I enjoy everyone of them. Diane
I definitely have no problems with the level of your postings...Amp it up if you want...;0) Confuse the hell out of em\', Im sure we would all be into it! lol Nothing wrong with using the brain every once in awhile, for if you dont use it you loose it! ~Christi
Ken, You have to be yourself, and this journaling is for your benefit, but it helps us too. Don\'t change a thing. If people have to go look up a word, you are helping with their education. I have to admit I had to look up apiarist. Had no idea what that was. You do sound better, and we are all sad, some of us not as much anymore, but it\'s always there.
Paula