Blues Fest

I thought I was doing so good - guess it comes and goes.  My one friend invited me to the Bluesfest in my hometown with some of her friends.  We met 4 other women - all obviously in their early 50's - and all were either divorced or widowed (I didn't ask which) which surprised me. (except my friend) I ended up crying through most of it and occasionally got up to walk around.  It occurred to me that I would never be able to go to one of these without Pat again.  My other friend invited me to Ravinia (a music festival near Chicago) on Friday.  I accepted but now have turned him down.  Pat and I always talked of going but never did - I think that will be even harder.  Here I was complaining that friends weren't asking me out enough and now that they are I don't always want to go. We miss you Pat - Father's Day was harder than I thought it would be.  We didn't really celebrate it the last year because we were mad at you - but you know we love you!  This is how we - you and us - dealt with your declining health - none of us could deal with it and didn't want to accept it was a reality.   We miss you - I think back on our trip to Universal Studios 4 years ago - even then your health wasn't good - and yet you never complained or wanted us to know.  I don't know which is better accepting or not accepting - just kind of rambling I guess.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Mark and I loved blues music and made many trips to MS to see BB King at his Homecoming festival there. I don\'t think that the music will ever mean the same to me again. I know what you mean about friends inviting you to things - I complain that my friends don\'t ask me to do things and then, like you, when they do I find myself turning them down. I just want to be here at home - I seem more comfortable within my safety net. I do get out............and do some things.......but can\'t wait to get back home again. Of course, I was like that before - except Mark was here waiting for me if I went out alone so I was always anxious to get back home to him. And if we went out together - home was always someplace that we loved to come back to......
Guess I\'m kind of rambling too - thanks Marilyn for the ramble time. It feels good. Hope you have a good day.
Christine
deleted_user
deleted_user

rambling is good...frequently it allows us to explore an idea we wouldn\'t have consciously considered.......like, you knew you were mad at Pat last year, buty you also knew why..that shows a closeness and communication.........I too, think I want to go out and then it ends up being a worse experience because of a memory that comes..............this has been a horrid weekend....wishing you \"joy in the morning\"..my phrase for the day....
hugs L
hawg
hawg

I too find myself turning down invitations to go places, places I wanted to go with my husband. I just feel guilty even thinking about it. Always talked about \"our\" time when all the kids were grown - his cancer came when our last son was a sophmore in college - then it was 7 years trying to pay for all the medications to keep him alive. I feel guilty - he never got to retire, and I feel as if I am retired right now. Please be kind to yourself - I\'m sure you husband would want you to go on with life - I am told it all takes time, and the time just seems to be disappearing before my eyes. Wishing you Peace
deleted_user
deleted_user

I understand how you feel. There are place Al and
i talked about and Ravinia was one of those placed. He and I want to take a picnic meal and enjoy the music both of us were music lover. He was rock and my classical \"I do miss my Al and no we will never get to go with my Al to Ravina
Malia