I thought I was doing so good - guess it comes and goes. My one friend invited me to the Bluesfest in my hometown with some of her friends. We met 4 other women - all obviously in their early 50's - and all were either divorced or widowed (I didn't ask which) which surprised me. (except my friend) I ended up crying through most of it and occasionally got up to walk around. It occurred to me that I would never be able to go to one of these without Pat again. My other friend invited me to Ravinia (a music festival near Chicago) on Friday. I accepted but now have turned him down. Pat and I always talked of going but never did - I think that will be even harder. Here I was complaining that friends weren't asking me out enough and now that they are I don't always want to go. We miss you Pat - Father's Day was harder than I thought it would be. We didn't really celebrate it the last year because we were mad at you - but you know we love you! This is how we - you and us - dealt with your declining health - none of us could deal with it and didn't want to accept it was a reality. We miss you - I think back on our trip to Universal Studios 4 years ago - even then your health wasn't good - and yet you never complained or wanted us to know. I don't know which is better accepting or not accepting - just kind of rambling I guess.