Blues Fest

I thought I was doing so good - guess it comes and goes.  My one friend invited me to the Bluesfest in my hometown with some of her friends.  We met 4 other women - all obviously in their early 50's - and all were either divorced or widowed (I didn't ask which) which surprised me. (except my friend) I ended up crying through most of it and occasionally got up to walk around.  It occurred to me that I would never be able to go to one of these without Pat again.  My other friend invited me to Ravinia (a music festival near Chicago) on Friday.  I accepted but now have turned him down.  Pat and I always talked of going but never did - I think that will be even harder.  Here I was complaining that friends weren't asking me out enough and now that they are I don't always want to go. We miss you Pat - Father's Day was harder than I thought it would be.  We didn't really celebrate it the last year because we were mad at you - but you know we love you!  This is how we - you and us - dealt with your declining health - none of us could deal with it and didn't want to accept it was a reality.   We miss you - I think back on our trip to Universal Studios 4 years ago - even then your health wasn't good - and yet you never complained or wanted us to know.  I don't know which is better accepting or not accepting - just kind of rambling I guess.