blues

Have been struggling trying to keep the blues away.  Not getting very far though, frustrating waiting for it to pass.  I got real down after I had to drop 2 of my 3 classes.  I freaked out and had dropped all of them. I'm back in the 2 credit class that has fewer people.  I just couldn't hang with so many people, horrible social anxiety this time around.  My big future plan is to get done with a few prereq's, go to nursing school for my RN, and get the hell off of disability.  Dropping 2 classes broke my heart and made me feel like such a failure.   I really freaked out over dropping 2 classes because I thought my God if I can't do this how am I ever going to make it through RN school.   I get disability for myself and also my son since he's under 18.  When he turns 18, his will get dropped.  Without that extra income I won't be able to keep my house, etc.  I have got to be up and working by then.  I've worked too damn hard over the years to lose everything.  I think it'll throw me over the edge if that happens.  I've got until the end of this year to get 2 more classes out of the way and then on to RN school.  I did get through LPN school with a 4.0gpa.  But things have changed, I have changed, the illness has changed.OK enough of that!  It's my b-day and my boys and I are going to the movies.  Going to see ELI, we all like action adventure!!