blind stupit ambitions
Yo.
I live.
Still.
The good news: things ain't worsening.
the bad news: things ain't getting no butter.
Which could be a lie.
We survived a "blizzard" just after Christmas. It wasn't as bad as they forecasted but it was bad enough to keep us in the house a few days. this put a damper in all the junk I wanted to do during my time off from work. I think I dealt with it all right. there were a few small bouts of agitation about it, but i was able to keep myself more even-keeled than usual.
the big thing right now is the damn teenager. He is addicted to media. I worry about his methods of isolation and he digs his heels in. We call him to dinner, and where is he? The answer is obvious. so we wait. then we wait summore. Dinners are stressful because there is always fighting about the same things. You make us wait. With all this media crap you still have to keep your grades up. Blah blah blah. We have no evidence that his grades are suffering because of this, but you know how (some) parents worry.
And i have no problem taking his stuff away. At this point he really has done nothing wrong but be inconsiderate. Every time we remind him, he turns on his defense-o-matic and the same old conversations ensue.
My daughter can't take much more of it. I don't blame her.
The boy needs to get his act together if he is thinking about going to college.
Seems that 2011 will be the year of the mother-in-law. I am spending more time there as her home seems to be falling apart. Small things, generally, but it's one thing after another and she is tiring of it. Last night a spring broke on her garage door and she couldn't get out. She goes berserk if she doesn't have her freedom. Unfortunately for me, the cable split and I can't fix that; it will have to be replaced. Fortunately for her, some guy (repair person) promised to show up at 8 this morning. So we shall see if he actually shows up!
I am itching to go fishing again. I will have to take this day-by-day. What a nut. I got my license for 2011 already. Go, go, go.
Okay.
I dare not say this. I dare not. Only because I have been the king of the broken record, meaning I have probably said this a few times before. The week off from work has been stressful for DW with her mom and the boy. I can see that. But guess who suffers? I am going to start paying attention to what's real and what's not real. I feel that she is pulling away. So I suppose that I can not let this happen any more. One last push. I haven't made a very good effort at trying to keep us together. I have been more self-involved than I need to be. And you know what? I am okay. I don't need to pay so much attention to myself. I don't need to escape so much. What I have discovered is that I escape when I am bored. And I am bored a LOT, adn I get bored easily. And I can escape in small time increments as well. DW has to keep calling me back to Earth. When I choose not to escape, I end up pacing the house, driving people crazy.
I have no real solutions right now but as I sez I will pay attention to what is really going on. I want to take the woman out to dinner either this week or next, and when I do these things like this, or even little things, like offer a back massage, I will log what she accepts and what she rejects. that way when we get into the old lack-of-intimacy conversation I can refer to all the times she has refused my intentions of bringing us back together so at least I know it isn't all me. and she can see it too. It's a rotten thing to do but I feel the truth needs to be seen.
I must be crazy.
I live.
Still.
The good news: things ain't worsening.
the bad news: things ain't getting no butter.
Which could be a lie.
We survived a "blizzard" just after Christmas. It wasn't as bad as they forecasted but it was bad enough to keep us in the house a few days. this put a damper in all the junk I wanted to do during my time off from work. I think I dealt with it all right. there were a few small bouts of agitation about it, but i was able to keep myself more even-keeled than usual.
the big thing right now is the damn teenager. He is addicted to media. I worry about his methods of isolation and he digs his heels in. We call him to dinner, and where is he? The answer is obvious. so we wait. then we wait summore. Dinners are stressful because there is always fighting about the same things. You make us wait. With all this media crap you still have to keep your grades up. Blah blah blah. We have no evidence that his grades are suffering because of this, but you know how (some) parents worry.
And i have no problem taking his stuff away. At this point he really has done nothing wrong but be inconsiderate. Every time we remind him, he turns on his defense-o-matic and the same old conversations ensue.
My daughter can't take much more of it. I don't blame her.
The boy needs to get his act together if he is thinking about going to college.
Seems that 2011 will be the year of the mother-in-law. I am spending more time there as her home seems to be falling apart. Small things, generally, but it's one thing after another and she is tiring of it. Last night a spring broke on her garage door and she couldn't get out. She goes berserk if she doesn't have her freedom. Unfortunately for me, the cable split and I can't fix that; it will have to be replaced. Fortunately for her, some guy (repair person) promised to show up at 8 this morning. So we shall see if he actually shows up!
I am itching to go fishing again. I will have to take this day-by-day. What a nut. I got my license for 2011 already. Go, go, go.
Okay.
I dare not say this. I dare not. Only because I have been the king of the broken record, meaning I have probably said this a few times before. The week off from work has been stressful for DW with her mom and the boy. I can see that. But guess who suffers? I am going to start paying attention to what's real and what's not real. I feel that she is pulling away. So I suppose that I can not let this happen any more. One last push. I haven't made a very good effort at trying to keep us together. I have been more self-involved than I need to be. And you know what? I am okay. I don't need to pay so much attention to myself. I don't need to escape so much. What I have discovered is that I escape when I am bored. And I am bored a LOT, adn I get bored easily. And I can escape in small time increments as well. DW has to keep calling me back to Earth. When I choose not to escape, I end up pacing the house, driving people crazy.
I have no real solutions right now but as I sez I will pay attention to what is really going on. I want to take the woman out to dinner either this week or next, and when I do these things like this, or even little things, like offer a back massage, I will log what she accepts and what she rejects. that way when we get into the old lack-of-intimacy conversation I can refer to all the times she has refused my intentions of bringing us back together so at least I know it isn't all me. and she can see it too. It's a rotten thing to do but I feel the truth needs to be seen.
I must be crazy.
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