Bless my Neighbor , Tom

                                           I never in my Life would had thought what happened ,Did happen? I don't bother my neighbors but I  always say " Hello" when I see them and be kind. I haven't seen Tom since about October, I noticed his truck was covered with snow and hasn't been moved,no footprints or anything. I started getting worried because he was depressed since he lost his job and found out he had sugar.   The Holiday's are hard for alot of people as we know so I tried to take food to Tom,would ring his doorbell  and knock on the door,no answer??                                          So one day I seen Mike who lives above me and he said he's going to check on him tomorrow which was last Tuesday. I went to work as  I do everyday. When I came home I seen Tom's truck was gone,I thought "Yea" Mike got ahold of him and he went somewhere but I also seen the sliding door was wide open and that was strange because it was 10 degrees out? When I got into the hallway I smelled a terrible stinch,I knew what it was,it was Death. I called my neighbor downstairs Bunnie and she told me Tom passed,I thought that all along.But that wasn't the worst I thought he died of a heart attack from not taking his Meds. But she told me he shot his self in the Head! I was so modified and upset,I didn't and don't want to live here any longer,I feel like I didn't do enough but I tried for months. I was going to call the Police this weekend.Never heard any gun shots............ never smelled anything?We all thought he went to Florida for the winter with his Brother........his own brother never checked up on him!!!!!!!                                         My neighor upstairs Mike said he knocked on the door no answer and the mail lady was there and said he hasn't been picking up his mail the box was over loaded so they went to the managers office and they knocked "NO ANSWER" so Mike went in didn't see him in the livingroom......... knocked on the bedroom door ......... opened it and the stinch hit him in the face and he said it was the worst thing he ever seen. I feel so bad for Mike to find him like that,we all thought  he had a heart attack not  killing his self!!!!                                        It is Terrible and brought flashbacks back about Penny's Death,I can't sleep and feel sick  all the time,what makes people take their own lives,things get so bad and it couldn't be any worse that we all went through,That's the WORST! I never will understand? I just had to share this with you because I need some support to deal with this. Sorry if I depressed anyone,I am shakened and torn. It's hard to go out my door without thinking about it,I am looking for a new apartment  as soon as I can,can't stay here anymore..... too many bad memories.  Love You All                                                                                                                                                                                                  Katie

Replies

Robin4
Robin4

I\'m so very sorry. I had a brother and a boyfriend both take their lives. I will never completely understand but I know that they have must feel no hope in their lives and feel suicide is the only option. It\'s so very sad. Please don\'t feel guilty. It sounds like all of you neighbors did what you thought best and checked on him. How were you to know? I hope you find a place that you can start some new memories and heal. Much love. Robin
biowoman
biowoman

How sad...I am so sorry for you, your neighbors and his family. It is so hard to understand...love to you...Karen
deleted_user
deleted_user

What a sad story. I know that it makes you feel bad, but you did try to check on him. How terrible that his family didn\'t check on him. I feel bad for you too. Life is really difficult sometimes... Love and Hugs, Kathie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Katie: I just re-read this journal tonight. Don\'t blame yourself for not checking - you could never have known what was going through Tom\'s mind at the time. I\'m so sorry that you have this added sadness in your life. I wish you the strength to move forward - you are such a good and caring person. Wish you love, Your friend, BarbaraWawa
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sometimes the brain chemicals can be messed up and interfere with logical thinking and coping skills. If someone was like this and had something \"trigger\" them into despair, it would be easier for them to do the unthinkable, I believe. You were nice to him when you saw him. You had no idea what would happen. You did what you could and you had so much on your own plate, too. It is unfortunate what happened, but nobody could have predicted it would happen. It\'s always such a total shock to those that find out, it seems. Love and Hugs, Donna