blechhh (trig!)
Hello everyone. First of, let me start with my recent purging scare. Last night I ate about 200 calories all day and then binged on a cup or two of ice cream. I got so freaked and just ran to the bathroom to purge. I couldn't even do anything about it, it was so scary. I rarely purge, in fact, this was the first time I did it enough to actually throw up. Usually I just gag and even that has only happened once or twice. There wasn't really all that much in my stomach to purge and it hurt so much. It was so gross, but it was cold coming back up nad it scared me so much. It's terrible. Right now my head hurts so badly and I feel wicked bloated even though I haven't even binged. I also was really triggered when I looked at myself in the mirror last night. Has that ever happened to any of you guys, where you're actually triggered by yourself and how emaciated you look? It's hard when I look in the mirror and can clearly see my collarbones and can overlap my fingers around my wrist. I hate saying this because it's so sick and it sounds like bragging, but honestly I just want out. I have voice and piano tonight, which I really just don't want to go to. I'm so tired and feel so sick. Ughh. And after that my friend Kelly is sleeping over. We're watching this scary movie called 13 Seconds. I'll tell you guys how that goes. She's my real friend, not a fake one, so it should go fine. Ehh this damn HEADACHE. I took two motrin and it still didn't help! Fuck it. Love,Meg
Replies
I know it sounds bad... But I\'m glad that purging scared you so much. Try and remember that the next time ED is hissing in your ear that you need to purge. *hugs* Hope you have fun with your friend!
Dear please please please don\'t go down the road of bulimia... it is SO not worth it... i promise!! I think sometimes our bodies try their hardest to keep us from hurting them anymore. Listen to the fear when you saw yourself and how thin you were... please try to do something to nourish yourself today. Ed will tell you lies that you shouuldn\'t eat, but it is all lies... being thin, starving, binging, adn purging will NEVER make you happy... please keep fighting!
Purging sucks! I was accused of it a while back when I was not even doing it. No one believed me, so I started to purge, no matter what I ate. It\'s no fun and hard to stop once you really get into it. I was able to stop thank god. It causes major headaches, so that\'s why your head hurts so bad.
I get triggered by looking in the mirror. I hate the way I look but yet I love it all at the same time.
Have a fun sleep over and I hope your headache goes away so you can enjoy having Kelly over.
GET SCARED!!! See what hell ed really is! You are in more than deep enough!!! I do get triggered by what I see 95% of the time. In the end... i try to change my thoughts into circus thoughts. That what i see is an illusion. Like what you see in a fun house mirror.
I hope you feel better, and have a wonderful sleepover!
lets think about this in terms of cost....1 - 2 cups of ice cream costs u about 300-600 cals...add that to ur 200 initial cals...and well u spent only 500-800 cals for a day...that is WAY BELOW a normal range of cals for ANYONE! ....now on to the purge cost....that cost u enamel on ur teeth, some of ur esophagus, god knows what it did to ur heart...and u said it was painful...so think about it...even with ur \"binge\" u were in a severe cal deficit...so perhaps next time this happens if it does...u can just think about that and be happy that u got to taste ice cream and perhaps u wont be tempted to taste it the 2nd time around by forcing it back up
Hun I am concerned, Missy is right, even with the ice cream you are WAAAAY under what you should be eating. Are you talking to anyone about this or getting help? If this continues, ED will only get stronger and ruin your life more. Please fight the triggers and thoughts. You do not need ED, you need to be healthy so you can live your life. You gotta FIGHT this girl!!!
I\'m worried about you :( I hope this time scared you enough to not do it again. Trust me, you don\'t want to go down that road. I was bulimic for 3 years and it was hell. Purging does SO much damage to your body. I\'m sure the headache was due to purging, and I\'d hate to see you continue and develop more health problems because of it. I can\'t even think of the right words to say right now. I just hope you get some help before things get worse. Keep fighting!I care about you so much and I know you can get through this!