blechhh (trig!)

Hello everyone. First of, let me start with my recent purging scare. Last night I ate about 200 calories all day and then binged on a cup or two of ice cream. I got so freaked and just ran to the bathroom to purge. I couldn't even do anything about it, it was so scary. I rarely purge, in fact, this was the first time I did it enough to actually throw up. Usually I just gag and even that has only happened once or twice. There wasn't really all that much in my stomach to purge and it hurt so much. It was so gross, but it was cold coming back up nad it scared me so much. It's terrible. Right now my head hurts so badly and I feel wicked bloated even though I haven't even binged.      I also was really triggered when I looked at myself in the mirror last night. Has that ever happened to any of you guys, where you're actually triggered by yourself and how emaciated you look? It's hard when I look in the mirror and can clearly see my collarbones and can overlap my fingers around my wrist. I hate saying this because it's so sick and it sounds like bragging, but honestly I just want out.  I have voice and piano tonight, which I really just don't want to go to. I'm so tired and feel so sick. Ughh. And after that my friend Kelly is sleeping over. We're watching this scary movie called 13 Seconds. I'll tell you guys how that goes. She's my real friend, not a fake one, so it should go fine. Ehh this damn HEADACHE. I took two motrin and it still didn't help! Fuck it. Love,Meg