Blarg! 158 days later, AF arrives...joy...
Well, Dad is now out of the ICU! He's not home yet, but he's one step closer! He's currently in the oncology ward, where he'll get more cancer centered care until it's time for him to go home.
In IF news, AF finally reared her ugly head. So far it's not been too bad, but since I went 158 days without a cycle, I'm scared for the cramps and other AF associated pains. I'm also worried about the length of AF, since the previous cycle was so long and my past history sucks when it comes to AF's length after only 72 days.
Once Dad's health started improving, I began to think about my own issues again. I'm still not sure what to do in regards to my IF. There are so many questions and not enough answers. Thanks to my anxiety rearing its ugly head again, I keep beating myself up about my weight; thinking things like "If I weren't so fat, Dr. R would actually help me." and so on.
I know it's not my issue that caused Dr. R to be a dick about my weight, but it still hurts that the only person in the area that can help me get pregnant feels that my issue is I'm just too fat. He's not taking any of my past history into account, nor any of the signs/symptoms of PCOS that I've been displaying.
It's almost like because I'm fat, none of the Dr's believe me about ALWAYS having cycle issues. I mean most girls start out irregular and go regular with their cycles. I started off with 3 regular (28 days on the dot) cycles and then went to shit after that. I've never had AF show up with any predictability. Seriously, I've been dealing with this irregular cycle since I was 11, yet none of my Dr's believed me until I was 19 and looked at my GP and said "I'm bleeding every other month for a month, can we do something about my cycles now?!?"
Needless to say, he had a bit of a freak out about that one. I was put on BCPs because at that time I wasn't interested in getting pregnant and it was the best bet to 'regulate' things until I could get to a gynecologist who could sort out the root cause. Little did I know regulation of my cycle was the only benefit I was getting from the BCPs.
Now fast forward another 11 years. I'm 30 years old, I've shot up from 220lbs at 19 to 288.5lbs as of a week ago, mainly from the damn meds I was on (I shot up 40lbs on the Clomid). I've been TTC for 5 years now, and have seen 0 results other than weight gain.
The questions going through my head today are ridiculous: Do I risk more cysts and use this last prescription of Letrozole from Dr. R? Do I stop with the meds and just focus on my weight? Do we start the adoption process or wait until I have finished school? Do I seek out a specialist in another city, despite the 2 hour commute and lack of money? Should I ask my GP about going on Metformin (even though I barely know what it is)?
Why should anyone need to ask these questions? I feel like utter shit today, mainly because of the above questions. I know my Dh will basically say he's happy with whatever I decide on, but I can't decide! I need input, I want input on all of this. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. Hell, I've been on this IF journey for 5 years and I STILL don't have a clue what is wrong with me or what to do. Most of you ladies are pros with IF treatments after only a few years, and here I am going "I didn't even know that was a possibility!" for quite a few things. I mean I'd heard of IVF plenty of times before, but until Dr. R mentioned he could do IUI, I'd never heard of it before.
I still don't know which way is up when it comes to IF. I feel like someone has spun me around and made me so dizzy I couldn't see straight and then put a board of options in front of me and told me to pick one. I feel utterly lost and pissed off that no one will officially diagnose me with PCOS so that I can get treatment, yet they'll tell me that I have all the signs/symptoms of it. Grrrr! I'm just so frustrated and confused, which is leading to more frustration. I need answers and I can't find any.
In IF news, AF finally reared her ugly head. So far it's not been too bad, but since I went 158 days without a cycle, I'm scared for the cramps and other AF associated pains. I'm also worried about the length of AF, since the previous cycle was so long and my past history sucks when it comes to AF's length after only 72 days.
Once Dad's health started improving, I began to think about my own issues again. I'm still not sure what to do in regards to my IF. There are so many questions and not enough answers. Thanks to my anxiety rearing its ugly head again, I keep beating myself up about my weight; thinking things like "If I weren't so fat, Dr. R would actually help me." and so on.
I know it's not my issue that caused Dr. R to be a dick about my weight, but it still hurts that the only person in the area that can help me get pregnant feels that my issue is I'm just too fat. He's not taking any of my past history into account, nor any of the signs/symptoms of PCOS that I've been displaying.
It's almost like because I'm fat, none of the Dr's believe me about ALWAYS having cycle issues. I mean most girls start out irregular and go regular with their cycles. I started off with 3 regular (28 days on the dot) cycles and then went to shit after that. I've never had AF show up with any predictability. Seriously, I've been dealing with this irregular cycle since I was 11, yet none of my Dr's believed me until I was 19 and looked at my GP and said "I'm bleeding every other month for a month, can we do something about my cycles now?!?"
Needless to say, he had a bit of a freak out about that one. I was put on BCPs because at that time I wasn't interested in getting pregnant and it was the best bet to 'regulate' things until I could get to a gynecologist who could sort out the root cause. Little did I know regulation of my cycle was the only benefit I was getting from the BCPs.
Now fast forward another 11 years. I'm 30 years old, I've shot up from 220lbs at 19 to 288.5lbs as of a week ago, mainly from the damn meds I was on (I shot up 40lbs on the Clomid). I've been TTC for 5 years now, and have seen 0 results other than weight gain.
The questions going through my head today are ridiculous: Do I risk more cysts and use this last prescription of Letrozole from Dr. R? Do I stop with the meds and just focus on my weight? Do we start the adoption process or wait until I have finished school? Do I seek out a specialist in another city, despite the 2 hour commute and lack of money? Should I ask my GP about going on Metformin (even though I barely know what it is)?
Why should anyone need to ask these questions? I feel like utter shit today, mainly because of the above questions. I know my Dh will basically say he's happy with whatever I decide on, but I can't decide! I need input, I want input on all of this. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. Hell, I've been on this IF journey for 5 years and I STILL don't have a clue what is wrong with me or what to do. Most of you ladies are pros with IF treatments after only a few years, and here I am going "I didn't even know that was a possibility!" for quite a few things. I mean I'd heard of IVF plenty of times before, but until Dr. R mentioned he could do IUI, I'd never heard of it before.
I still don't know which way is up when it comes to IF. I feel like someone has spun me around and made me so dizzy I couldn't see straight and then put a board of options in front of me and told me to pick one. I feel utterly lost and pissed off that no one will officially diagnose me with PCOS so that I can get treatment, yet they'll tell me that I have all the signs/symptoms of it. Grrrr! I'm just so frustrated and confused, which is leading to more frustration. I need answers and I can't find any.
Replies
That\'s wonderful news about you dad! Hope he continues to heal and us home ASAP. I\'m so sorry you are feeling stuck and frustrated with IF. I think if I were you, I would make 2-3 consult appointments with other REs, try to take a day or 2 off work and make the drive to see them. The \"care\" you\'re currently receiving is unacceptable and ridiculous. You deserve so much more.
Wonderful news about your dad, I hope he is able to go home soon! I agree with Polka, you need a better RE, or at the very least a RE that will listen to you and not make you feel like shit! I drive 2hrs to my new RE and it is a expensive pain the ass but it made all the difference! So sorry you\'re so confused about all this IF stuff and especially on your weight and your frustration with it! I say give yourself a break from the meds and focus on your health and since the adoption process can take years to complete look into it, what can it hurt! For what it\'s worth! HUGS! xo
I\'m so glad to hear that your Dad is improving. I\'m sorry about all of the confusion with what\'s going on. There isn\'t another RE you can see in your area? Regarding your weight, plenty of women get pregnant at your weight, so I don\'t think your doctor should be giving you grief about it. I hope you get some answers soon, I know you must be frustrated. ((hugs))