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I'm feeling pretty consumed with embarrassment. For myself full stop!. I worry that I offend people by saying the wrong things even when I have good intentions because I intend to be a little scatterbrained.. I'm embarrassed about how I look, how I express myself lately, how I have de-moralized myself and compromised in too many ways. I fear that I've destroyed my reputation little bits at a time, or myself and my moral by small things such as not attending church or allowing my bad habits to grow and overtake good habits. I bought condoms from the shop in front of someone I knew from 'Church and Old Christian school where i was pretty much a mentor' bah! How stupid of me for someone trying to promote and preach abstinance. AH! Man I had an INCLING that I knew the guy but brushed it off and I really should not have.... And the other thing is that I know I've grown up in this town and everyone knows everyone. I think the reason why I allow myself to be embarressed is also because i'm not terribly assertive in speaking up for myself! I'm going to try and improve this! !!! ! It's really hard because when I feel insecure I tend to shrink and shy away when I could really make myself feel and look a lot better and what not depending on the circumstance. I did make a list of things that I wanted to be positive about within myself so I'm going to try and make constructive goals now... IT'S AT LEAST SOMETHING to help motivate myself and get myself going every day. - Make my meals ahead of time and be more positive about my long term goals and weight loss- Join a relaxation group with mum- Save money and focus on long term financial goals and TITHE!- Jam weekly, with myself or others- Dedicate two days to uni and art making- Sauna and spa once a week- Gym three to four days a week- Hang out with one of my mates once a week at least!- Tatt for the penrith show- Work towards interior decorating my place- Lose 7kg- Develop my abs, lose tummy bulge