Black Skies
Rick5112/15/2017
Nearly at 6 weeks. The grief/mourning is not getting better. Death is still more attractive than life. If one lives long enough it seems nearly every attachment one makes in this life is ripped from your arms, if not by human nature or mother nature, then by father time. Sorry to group members for yet more gloom, especially at this time of year.
Replies
i feel you man. im at 13 months tommorrow and it still sucks. you are numb at this point. i promised jean that i would not commit suicide on account of our children. at my lowest points i ask her to free me from this promise,and think that if she could see my anguish she would. rick, ask yourself often what she would want you to do. preserve your love for her,keep your memories alive
Thanks Nebby. I am trying.
Rick if the biggest wimp on earth, as far as grief goes, can make it from march 28 2015 to Dec 15 2017, you can make it One Day at a time. If suicide hadn't meant proving my cowardice for the future without him, and condemning my family to the rest of their lives being completely mind fucked, I woulda done it. my husband left me with guns comin out my ass. and they. beckoned me.
Memories. HE CALLED ME BEAUTIFUL, LIKE IT WAS MY NAME.
He traveled alot for work. He'd call me on the phone, I'd answer "hello", he'd say "Hel-low BEAUtiful" accented like that. ALWAYS. "Good mmorning beautiful". "Hey beautiful, how was your day?" "Hey BEAUtiful, just called to say Hi. call me when you get home. I love you"
God I miss him. I miss that. a couple days before he died, I had so many phone msgs I deleted them so I'd have room for new ones. Hurts so bad. I Lost his voice calling me his own made-up Name.
.. my memories are cherished all the more. who needs Gold? I got that.
No One will ever love me like that again. but he did. and I have That forever. inside.
I breathe it in and make my heart beat again. Make it.
Tell your heart to beat again, my friend.
You got this. Loved.
nobody's got that anymore nowadays. squeeze every drop out of it.
like your life depends on every tear. they're proven to help us heal. there's some kinda bio chemical structure in them that's gotta come out. I dunno nuthin about that, except don't fight 'em.
pounding walls helps sometimes too.
your friend,
B.
find a way to let it out, unfettered. that's truly Best, my compadre`.