black clouds

Maybe because its January so cold and gloomy,but I strongly suspect its the effects of recent family conflicts that have lead to me having a heavy heart.I spent several nights crying,never mind cry me a river as the song goes more like an ocean.... I have to find ways to lift myself up out of the quicksand thats drowning me.So hope by putting my feelings down it will go someway to help me turn a corner.  I sometimes feel like a broken down gramaphone but its hard to climb up from rock bottom.Losing trust in those who you thought you couldd depend on and finding out that its the same old "you can't trust anyone" doing the rounds. My late dad used to say he never trusted people,and I tried to see the good in others and still do,but over the years I have come to realise that its true that its rare to find people that care and that you can really trust. I feel very old,my life isn't worth much and feel guilty saying this as those poor people in Haiti are in a far worse state than me....I should count my blessings but find that hard right not.