Bizarro Christmas (moved)

Whoops! I meant for this to be a journal, not a forum post. This isn't forum stuff! My family is a Christmas-celebrating family, by which I mean we become slightly manic at this time of year. Like any family, we have nuts and whackos among us (funny how we always assume the crazies are *other* people). So here, for your amusement, is my running journal of bizarro moments from the Atkinson Christmas of 2009. Slightly ribald humor... My sister-in-law and her partner are spending their first Christmas with us in the capacity of a couple. Tonya and I have warmly embraced the young woman who has been her partner for quite a while, but it took a re-coming-out event to convince her family, once more, that having another woman as a partner is *not* a phase, act of defiance, seditious atheism, or college prank. When my mother-in-law uttered the instantly-classic line, "hey, we ALL sleep with things we like", all us younguns turned red and tried not to bust out laughing, while the two of them fist-bumped in glee. I want "We ALL sleep with things we like" on a T-shirt. Is it too late to ask for this as a Christmas gift? Mom-in-law topped herself the next day when she intended to comment on how we of the male gender like our electronic gadgets and hi-tech entertainment. But it came out like this: "Well, men just like to play with their tools." I think I'll name my wrench, pliers, or electric cutters something awesome. Like "Thor." Speaking of men and our tools, my innocent little cousin, age 4, was playing with his aunt - my wife - and was sitting in her lap. He made the loud pronouncement (at church, during Christmas Eve dinner), "This makes my penis go up and down!" Everyone had a "stun" moment before raucous laughing, including at least one grown man who said, "can I sit on her lap next?" I have NO idea what kind of warped person would make that kind of joke. Ever have those moments where you try to say two close words and accidentally switch their consonant sounds, like "take a shower" becomes "shake a tower?" Ever have a mother whose singing voice is one of the loudest in the church? Combine those two, add an Advent carol, and the stanza "Our hearts are filled with warmth" becomes "Our fart are filled with warmth." Mom sings on, oblivious to what she has just proclaimed to everyone in the church, including all the shepherds abiding in the field and whatnot. Did Gabriel ever have moments like that? We're thankful for these fun moments, given that my mom's health problems have the family worried, but this is exactly the kind of humor my mom thinks is hysterical (her role model, I am convinced is the character of Del Griffith from "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"--even my mom knows they are identical! They even look alike, except for the mustache. Wait, Del has a mustache too, though, doesn't he?)