Bitch Session
I have been sick for, oh I don't know, 2 weeks maybe, on and off. I'm always going to keep such good track. Be easier to track when I feel good, sadly. Been stomach issues of late, lots and lots of tummy trouble, I think maybe I've some intestinal inflammation going on, I don't know. Don't really care anymore I'm so tired of the whole thing.
Also had a minor stroke I believe. I was at work and I could NOT read my computer, I could not get my eyes to focus, no other symptoms. It was my left eye I went blind in last time, this time it was both. Not blind, just completely out of focus.
This is the thing....Last time I went in, the doctors scared the Hell out of me. Went through $120.00 in 2 days on office fees and co-pays alone, tons of tests, tons of waiting for results when they decide I 'could' have had a minor stroke. What did they do, nothing, which is about all they can do. Two days lost wages as well.
Have brunch for old people on Saturday. Snowbirds who had come into SLC for doctors appointments on Monday. "Lets get together", yeah me.
They are retired, I work full time, plus. Had a house to clean, laundry to do, a birthday party that night (the only thing I really wanted to do) and a promised trip to the planitarium. Also entertained my daughter (who is on 'vacation') and her husband, to enable them to visit with the old people.
Did everything but the birthday party, by 8pm I was wasted, trashed, barely able to wash my face and go to bed. Angry and resentful. Could barely move Sunday. Of course.
These people are never here to help. Never propose to meet and buy me dinner. Daughter always asks if she can help, when I ask if she can come over and help she is always in the middle of something, or somewhere, anywhere but in a position to actually come over and help.
All holidays are held at my house. All get togethers. I watch my grandson every single weekend.
I am the one with a chronic, painful, dibilitating disease. Am I on a pity pot to sit there and stare at these people, 7 of us gathered around my kitchen table, that I am going to clean, by myself, after everyone leaves all full and entertained, and feel used?
Also had a minor stroke I believe. I was at work and I could NOT read my computer, I could not get my eyes to focus, no other symptoms. It was my left eye I went blind in last time, this time it was both. Not blind, just completely out of focus.
This is the thing....Last time I went in, the doctors scared the Hell out of me. Went through $120.00 in 2 days on office fees and co-pays alone, tons of tests, tons of waiting for results when they decide I 'could' have had a minor stroke. What did they do, nothing, which is about all they can do. Two days lost wages as well.
Have brunch for old people on Saturday. Snowbirds who had come into SLC for doctors appointments on Monday. "Lets get together", yeah me.
They are retired, I work full time, plus. Had a house to clean, laundry to do, a birthday party that night (the only thing I really wanted to do) and a promised trip to the planitarium. Also entertained my daughter (who is on 'vacation') and her husband, to enable them to visit with the old people.
Did everything but the birthday party, by 8pm I was wasted, trashed, barely able to wash my face and go to bed. Angry and resentful. Could barely move Sunday. Of course.
These people are never here to help. Never propose to meet and buy me dinner. Daughter always asks if she can help, when I ask if she can come over and help she is always in the middle of something, or somewhere, anywhere but in a position to actually come over and help.
All holidays are held at my house. All get togethers. I watch my grandson every single weekend.
I am the one with a chronic, painful, dibilitating disease. Am I on a pity pot to sit there and stare at these people, 7 of us gathered around my kitchen table, that I am going to clean, by myself, after everyone leaves all full and entertained, and feel used?
Replies
You are not on a pity pot by any means. You have every right to feel just as you do above. I\'m not happy reading this at all.
It really sounds like your whole persona is giving you some strong signals that it needs you to focus on you. Do you have any ways that you can reshape some things in your life to get a better balance to your days.
For any gatherings etc., why don\'t you next time ask whose turn it is or whose going to host the event this time. I think it\'s high time some others start to help you hon.
Please don\'t take this the wrong way. I know because of Lupus sometimes where you\'re coming from but I buried stubborness & pride & whatever else a long time ago & I don\'t hesitate to let others know when my answer is NO.
if your daughter can\'t help you then she should send a home health person over to help you. expecting you to be okay on your own, especially holidays and helping her with her son, when you are ill is beyond insensitive. its greedy and total disregard for another.
sorry to hear about your stroke and i hope you will be okay. can\'t they give you stronger blood pressure medicine or something. cholesterol meds maybe? xxoo
Just say no! Let someone else host the get togethers. If you keep trying to keep things the same, everyone will keep expecting you to do it. Put your foot down and say I can\'t do this anymore, maybe then they will actually believe you need help!
Put yourself first.....it\'s one of the hardest things I had to learn!
Beth