Birthday
Happy Birthday to my beautiful estranged daughter today. I was thinking back at her birth today. I was a kid-only 16 alone in the hospital. A stranger (nurse) helped me. My own birth parents-no support. I remember holding her and telling her it was me and her against the world and for years it was just she and I.
It is so easy to put those memories out of our minds. Everyone in school treated me like I had the plague and there was speculation about who the father was in my small gossip town. I consider myself one of the lucky ones-a classmate of mine was not so lucky-
she had gotten herself the high school football player and gone to prom-knocked up at a party by someone she didn't know and in 5 minutes- all those "friends" were gone. She went on to have 5 more children.
Somehow I managed to get out of Oklahoma away from that small town that I have only returned to to see my father before he died. I know I was overly protective of her and scared she would turn out like me. This probably helped drive the wedge between us along with my ex husband. I wish I could have all those years back with her but,I can't-I can only hope she will come around.
Replies
I had 9 years on you when I lived that scenario with my beautiful estranged son. 9 years sounded like enough time to change the world to my 25 year old ears, way *ahead* of the sibs who had teenage pregnancies, but. . . The family cycle continues.
Rocking you gently and crying with you, Sage. . . Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
I think I might take a trip to Oklahoma to see my brother. Get away from the situation I'm in for a while. When I told Roomie I might be going camping again Saturday-he acted disappointed. I think he is in denial that all we are roommates. I think he has grown emotional dependent-I need to have the "move out" talk with him. The future is scary for me but I refuse just to settle. I get restless after a year or so and can't figure out why-gypsy maybe?? Or maybe the Native American in me is naturally nomadic? Hard to say.
I have a friend that has a fifth wheel and wants me to travel the US with him-this is tempting however a trailer is a small space and I can't help but think we might get on each others nerves. Im at the age where I have very little and noone but myself to support-traveling is very tempting. MY grandmother and grandfather did this-he then got sick and she lived her life out of that trailer next to my parents house-scary to think I might wind up that way.
I could go and stay in NJ-back to the family I had a trial basis with over a year ago. But do I really want to be a step mother again?
Too many decisions and only 3 months to figure it out.
I did not hear from daughter and thats ok-Ill just keep chipping away.