Bipolar

Sometimes after i have been manic i feel so lost. I feel like i have lost myself and i'm unsure of everythought and decission i'm having. Is this bipolar or is this something else? And sometimes i really want to talk about how i feel and my illnesses but i'm lost and i can't explane myself or even understand myself enough to talk about this. This is getting worse. : (. And i have been waiting for amointment with a ph but nothing is happening.  Why do i have to feel this way? Sometimes i wonder if i know how it is to feel normal. The reason i almost never write here is this , i can't talk about how i feel but i really want to.