Binge

I had a binge last night for the first time in WEEKS. And by binge I don't mean little bit of cereal. I had bites of danish, cake, everything I had deprived myself of. And the guilt afterwards was tremendous. And I realized that this whole vicious cycle was about to start all over again. And I think it was the push I needed to see the state I'm really in.
I just have forgotten how to eat and treat food like a normal person. Even when I was relatively happy with my life and not restricting or bingeing, I would still throw up my food. I would still use it as comfort. I have been fortunate enough to have never been technically overweight or obese. But I have felt the effects of food addiction.
I just want my life to move forward. I watched a bit of a documentary called "Thin" last night about women with eating disorders, and I realized I just do not want that. I don't want to be in my twenties, bouncing in and out of centers, my life disrupted by food. Food shouldn't control me, I should control it.
 
I really really want to be normal. I just don't know how. I plan on leaning on you guys very heavily for support, so thank you for everything you have all done for me so far. You have no idea how much you mean to me. xo

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

you know I\'m always here if you need to talk. stay strong hun. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user

I wouldn\'t know how to be normal anymore, any sort of normality in my life has gone but I know that I have to fix myself, you know that you have to fix yourself, you wanna go through it together? x
TroJanThunder
TroJanThunder

Normal! HMMMMMM!! Actually I don\'t care for that word too much, because I believe with all my heart that we need to decide what is \"normal\" for ourselves on an individual basis.

ED can be a terrible life threatening and ruining disease for sure!!!! But on the other hand how many ppl do you know who want to be fat?????

Therein lies the dilemma. Where does one draw the line?

I would say if your blood work is OK you are probably not in any sort of trouble you can\'t get out of. But if you are fainting all the time and don\'t have enough energy to live your life....... Well that\'s when I would tend to be a little worried.

As for the binge? Who does\'nt binge once in a while? And perhaps it\'s not even as bad as you think it was.

I think you actually have all the answers within yourself somewhere. You are very smart. The ED voice can be so loud it just flat gets the upper hand.

I would say just tell yourself tomorrow is another day. Then go sit quietly somewhere out in nature preferably, with nothing to distract you. Then close your eyes and wait for the answer to come to you!
I SWEAR by this little trick, and it works every time!
CarlaBent
CarlaBent

I wish there was just a pill they could prescribe or a procedure they could do that would just take care of the problem and let you go on to normality!!!! If only it were that easy.

Are you trying to fix this all on your own? See if you can Google around and find out the success rate for people dealing with it that way. It always sounded to me like it really called for intervention by someone in the medical field. And someone specially trained, at that.

I assume that there are websites out there that are strictly for people with EDs to give each other support but do not promote professional treatment. Do you belong to some, so that you can help each other find ways to get better? I would guess that you have researched most of what\'s out there on the Internet.

You are so far ahead of the game than someone who can\'t even see that something is amiss. Someone who sees nothing unhealthy in their lifestyle. You have a good, healthy part of you at work!!! That should make things a bit easier!!! I\'m glad for that much!!!

It sounds like NOW is the time for you to try your best to work towards not being controlled by food. And maybe even not having to worry about controlling it.

Just think what it would be like to live peacefully with food. Just being able to eat naturally and healthily without being focused on it so much of the time!!! (((((Hugs)))))